but that they may pass over a few years in feeding their foolish fancies.

Interim annos aliquot summa cum voluptate peregerunt.

And, in my opinion, next these may be reckoned such as with their new inventions and occult arts undertake to change the forms of things and hunt all about after a certain fifth essence;

Ad quos mihi quidem proxime videntur accedere, qui novis et arcanis artibus, rerum species vertere moliuntur, ac terra marique quintam quamdam essentiam venantur.

men so bewitched with this present hope that it never repents them of their pains or expense, but are ever contriving how they may cheat themselves, till, having spent all, there is not enough left them to provide another furnace.

Hos adeo lactat mellita spes, ut neque laborum, neque impensarum umquam pigeat, miroque ingenio semper aliquid excogitant, quo sese denuo fallant, sibique ipsis gratam faciant imposturam, donec absumtis omnibus, non sit quo iam fornaculam instruant.

And yet they have not done dreaming these their pleasant dreams but encourage others, as much as in them lies, to the same happiness.

Non desinunt tamen iucunda somniare somnia, cæteros pro viribus ad eamdem felicitatem animantes.

And at last, when they are quite lost in all their expectations, they cheer up themselves with this sentence, “In great things the very attempt is enough,” and then complain of the shortness of man’s life that is not sufficient for so great an understanding.

Cumque iam prorsus omni spe destituuntur, superest tamen una sententia, abunde magnum solatium: ‘In magnis et voluisse sat est’. Ac tum vitæ brevitatem incusant, ut quæ magnitudini negotii non suffecerit.

And then for gamesters, I am a little doubtful whether they are to be admitted into our college;

Porro aleatores nonnihil addubito num in nostrum collegium sint admittendi.

and yet ’tis a foolish and ridiculous sight to see some addicted so to it that they can no sooner hear the rattling of the dice but their heart leaps and dances again.

Sed tamen stultum omnino ridiculumque spectaculum est, quoties videmus nonnullos usque adeo addictos, ut simul atque strepitum talorum audierint, protinus illis cor saliat, palpitetque.

And then when time after time they are so far drawn on with the hopes of winning that they have made shipwreck of all, and having split their ship on that rock of dice, no less terrible than the bishop and his clerks, scarce got alive to shore, they choose rather to cheat any man of their just debts than not pay the money they lost, lest otherwise, forsooth, they be thought no men of their words.

Deinde cum semper illiciente vincendi spe omnium facultatum naufragium fecerint, in aleæ scopulum illisa nave, non paulo formidabiliorem Malea, vixque nudi emerserint, quosvis potius fraudant quam victorem, ne scilicet viri parum graves habeantur.

Again what is it, I pray, to see old fellows and half blind to play with spectacles?

Quid cum senes iam et cæcutientes, vitreis etiam oculis lusitant?

Nay, and when a justly deserved gout has knotted their knuckles, to hire a caster, or one that may put the dice in the box for them?

Postremo cum iam iusta chiragra contudit articulos, vicarium etiam mercede conducunt, qui pro se talos in pyrgum mittat?

A pleasant thing, I must confess, did it not for the most part end in quarrels, and therefore belongs rather to the Furies than me.

Suavis quidem res, nisi quod hic ludus plerumque solet in rabiem evadere, iamque ad Furias, non ad me pertinere.

XL

XL

But there is no doubt but that that kind of men are wholly ours who love to hear or tell feigned miracles and strange lies and are never weary of any tale, though never so long, so it be of ghosts, spirits, goblins, devils, or the like; which the further they are from truth, the more readily they are believed and the more do they tickle their itching ears.

Cæterum illud hominum genus haud dubie totum est nostræ farinæ qui miraculis ac prodigiosis gaudent mendaciis, vel audiendis vel narrandis. Nec ulla satietas talium fabularum, cum portentosa quædam, de spectris, de lemuribus, de larvis, de inferis, de id genus millibus miraculorum commemorantur: quæ quo longius absunt a vero, hoc et creduntur lubentius et iucundiore pruritu titillant aures.

And these serve not only to pass away time but bring profit, especially to mass priests and pardoners.

Atque hæc quidem non modo ad levandum horarum tædium mire conducunt, verum etiam ad quæstum pertinent, præcipue sacrificis et concionatoribus.

And next to these are they that have gotten a foolish but pleasant persuasion that if they can but see a wooden or painted Polypheme Christopher, they shall not die that day; or do but salute a carved Barbara, in the usual set form, that he shall return safe from battle; or make his application to Erasmus on certain days with some small wax candles and proper prayers, that he shall quickly be rich.

His rursum adfines sunt ii, qui sibi stultam quidem, sed tamen iucundam persuasionem induerunt, futurum, ut si ligneum, aut pictum aliquem Polyphemum Christophorum adspexerint, eo die non sint perituri, aut qui sculptam Barbaram præscriptis verbis salutarit, sit incolumis e prælio rediturus, aut si quis Erasmum certis diebus, certis cereolis, certisque preculis convenerit, brevi sit dives evasurus.

Nay, they have gotten a Hercules, another Hippolytus, and a St. George, whose horse most religiously set out with trappings and bosses there wants little but they worship; however, they endeavor to make him their friend by some present or other, and to swear by his master’s brazen helmet is an oath for a prince.

Iam vero Georgium etiam Herculem invenerunt, quemadmodum et Hippolytum alterum. Huius equum phaleris ac bullis religiosissime adornatum tantum non adorant ac subinde novo quopiam munusculo demerentur, per huius æream galeam deierare plane regium habetur.

Or what should I say of them that hug themselves with their counterfeit pardons; that have measured purgatory by an hourglass, and can without the least mistake demonstrate its ages, years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds, as it were in a mathematical table?

Nam quid dicam de iis, qui sibi fictis scelerum condonationibus, suavissime blandiuntur, ac Purgatorii spatia veluti clepsydris metiuntur, sæcula, annos, menses, dies, horas, tamquam e tabula mathematica, citra ullum errorem dimetientes.

Or what of those who, having confidence in certain magical charms and short prayers invented by some pious imposter, either for his soul’s health or profit’s sake, promise to themselves everything: wealth, honor, pleasure, plenty, good health, long life, lively old age, and the next place to Christ in the other world, which yet they desire may not happen too soon, that is to say before the pleasures of this life have left them?

Aut de iis qui magicis quibusdam notulis ac preculis, quas pius aliquis impostor, vel animi causa, vel ad quæstum excogitavit, freti nihil sibi non pollicentur, opes, honores, voluptates, saturitates, valetudinem perpetuo prosperam, vitam longævam, senectam viridem, denique proximum Christo apud Superos consessum, quem tamen nolint, nisi admodum sero contingere, hoc est, cum huius vitæ voluptates, invitos eos ac mordicus retinentes, tamen deseruerint, tum succedant illæ Coelitum delitiæ.

And now suppose some merchant, soldier, or judge, out of so many rapines, parts with some small piece of money. He straight conceives all that sink of his whole life quite cleansed; so many perjuries, so many lusts, so many debaucheries, so many contentions, so many murders, so many deceits, so many breaches of trusts, so many treacheries bought off, as it were by compact; and so bought off that they may begin upon a new score.

Hic mihi puta negociator aliquis aut miles, aut iudex, abiecto ex tot rapinis unico nummulo, universam vitæ Lernam semel expurgatam putat, totque periuria, tot libidines, tot ebrietates, tot rixas, tot cædes, tot imposturas, tot perfidias, tot proditiones existimat velut ex pacto redimi, et ita redimi, ut iam liceat ad novum scelerum orbem de integro reverti.

But what is more foolish than those, or rather more happy, who daily reciting those seven verses of the Psalms promise to themselves more than the top of felicity?

Quid autem stultius iis, imo quid felicius, qui septem illis sacrorum Psalmorum versiculis quotidie recitatis, plus quam summam felicitatem sibi promittunt?

Which magical verses some devil or other, a merry one without doubt but more a blab of his tongue than crafty, is believed to have discovered to St. Bernard, but not without a trick.

Atque hos magicos versiculos Dæmon quispiam, facetus quidem ille, sed futilis magis quam callidus, Divo Bernardo creditur indicasse, sed arte circumventus miser.

And these are so foolish that I am half ashamed of them myself, and yet they are approved, and that not only by the common people but even the professors of religion.

Et hæc tam stulta, ut me ipsam propemodum pudeat, tamen approbantur, idque non a vulgo modo, verum etiam a religionis professoribus.

And what, are not they also almost the same where several countries avouch to themselves their peculiar saint, and as everyone of them has his particular gift, so also his particular form of worship? As, one is good for the toothache; another for groaning women; a third, for stolen goods; a fourth, for making a voyage prosperous; and a fifth, to cure sheep of the rot;

Quid iam, nonne eodem fere pertinet, cum singulæ regiones suum aliquem peculiarem vindicant Divum, cumque in singulos singula quædam partiuntur, singulis suos quosdam culturæ ritus attribuunt, ut hic in dentium cruciatu succurrat, ille parturientibus dexter adsit, alius rem furto sublatam restituat, hic in naufragio prosper adfulgeat, ille gregem tueatur: atque item de cæteris.

and so of the rest, for it would be too tedious to run over all.

Nam omnia percensere longissimum fuerit.

And some there are that are good for more things than one; but chiefly, the Virgin Mother, to whom the common people do in a manner attribute more than to the Son.

Sunt qui singuli pluribus in rebus valeant, præcipue Deipara Virgo, cui vulgus hominum plus prope tribuit quam Filio.

XLI

XLI

Yet what do they beg of these saints but what belongs to folly?

Verum ab his Divis quid tandem petunt homines nisi quod ad stultitiam attinet?

To examine it a little. Among all those offerings which are so frequently hung up in churches, nay up to the very roof of some of them, did you ever see the least acknowledgment from anyone that had left his folly, or grown a hair’s breadth the wiser?

Agedum inter tot anathemata, quibus templorum quorumdam parietes omnes, ac testudinem ipsam refertam conspicitis, vidistisne umquam qui stultitiam effugerit, qui vel pilo sit factus sapientior?

One escapes a shipwreck, and he gets safe to shore.

Alius enatavit incolumis.

Another, run through in a duel, recovers.

Alius ab hoste perfossus, vixit.

Another, while the rest were fighting, ran out of the field, no less luckily than valiantly.

Alius e prælio, pugnantibus cæteris, non minus feliciter quam fortiter aufugit.

Another, condemned to be hanged, by the favor of some saint or other, a friend to thieves, got off himself by impeaching his fellows.

Alius in crucem subactus, favore Divi cuiuspiam furibus amici, decidit ut nonnullos etiam male divitiis onustos pergeret exonerare.

Another escaped by breaking prison.

Alius perfracto carcere fugit.

Another recovered from his fever in spite of his physician.

Alius irato medico a febre revaluit.

Another’s poison turning to a looseness proved his remedy rather than death; and that to his wife’s no small sorrow, in that she lost both her labor and her charge.

Alii potum venenum, alvo soluta, remedio non exitio fuit, idque non admodum læta uxore, quæ operam et impensam luserit.

Another’s cart broke, and he saved his horses.

Alius everso plaustro, equos incolumes domum abegit.

Another preserved from the fall of a house.

Alius oppressus ruina vixit.

Alius a marito deprehensus elusit.

All these hang up their tablets, but no one gives thanks for his recovery from folly; so sweet a thing it is not to be wise, that on the contrary men rather pray against anything than folly.

Nullus pro depulsa stultitia gratias agit. Adeo suavis quædam res est nihil sapere, ut omnia potius deprecentur mortales, quam Moriam.

But why do I launch out into this ocean of superstitions?

Sed quid ego hoc superstitionum pelagus ingredior?

Had I a hundred tongues, as many mouths, and a voice never so strong, yet were I not able to run over the several sorts of fools or all the names of folly, so thick do they swarm everywhere.

‘Non mihi si linguæ centum sint, oraque centum, Ferrea vox, omneis fatuorum evolvere formas, Omnia stultitiæ percurrere nomina possim’.

And yet your priests make no scruple to receive and cherish them as proper instruments of profit;

Usque adeo omnis omnium Christianorum vita istiusmodi delirationibus undique scatet: quas ipsas tamen Sacrifici non gravatim et admittunt et alunt, non ignari quantum hinc lucelli soleat accrescere.

whereas if some scurvy wise fellow should step up and speak things as they are, as, to live well is the way to die well; the best way to get quit of sin is to add to the money you give the hatred of sin, tears, watchings, prayers, fastings, and amendment of life; such or such a saint will favor you, if you imitate his life—

Inter hæc, si quis odiosus sapiens exoriatur, succinatque id, quod res est, non male peribis, sibene vixeris: peccata redimis, si nummulo addideris odium malefactorum, tum lacrymas, vigilias, precationes, ieiunia, ac totam vitæ rationem commutaris: Divus hic tibi favebit, si vitam illius æmulaberis.

these, I say, and the like—should this wise man chat to the people, from what happiness into how great troubles would he draw them?

Hæc, inquam, atque id genus alia, si sapiens ille obganniat, vide a quanta felicitate repente mortalium animos in quem tumultum retraxerit?

Of this college also are they who in their lifetime appoint with what solemnity they’ll be buried, and particularly set down how many torches, how many mourners, how many singers, how many almsmen they will have at it; as if any sense of it could come to them, or that it were a shame to them that their corpse were not honorably interred; so curious are they herein, as if, like the aediles of old, these were to present some shows or banquet to the people.

Ad hoc collegium pertinent, qui vivi qua funeris pompa velint efferri, tam diligenter statuunt, ut nominatim etiam præscribant, quot tædas, quot pullatos, quot cantores, quot luctus histriones velint adesse, perinde, quasi futurum sit, ut aliquis huius spectaculi sensus ad ipsos sit rediturus, aut ut pudescant defuncti, nisi cadaver magnifice defodiatur, haud alio studio, quam si ædiles creati, ludos aut epulum edere studeant.

XLII

XLII

And though I am in haste, yet I cannot yet pass by them who, though they differ nothing from the meanest cobbler, yet ’tis scarcely credible how they flatter themselves with the empty title of nobility.

Equidem tametsi propero, tamen haud possum istos silentio prætercurrere qui cum nihil ab infimo cerdone differant, tamen inani nobilitatis titulo, mirum quam sibi blandiuntur.

One derives his pedigree from Aeneas, another from Brutus, a third from the star by the tail of Ursa Major.

Alius ad Aeneam, alius ad Brutum, alius ad Arcturum genus suum refert.

They show you on every side the statues and pictures of their ancestors; run over their great-grandfathers and the great-great-grandfathers of both lines, and the ancient matches of their families, when themselves yet are but once removed from a statue, if not worse than those trifles they boast of.

Ostendunt undique sculptas et pictas maiorum imagines. Numerant proavos atque atavos, et antiqua cognomina commemorant, cum ipsi non multum absint a muta statua, pene iis ipsis, quæ ostentant signis, deteriores.

And yet by means of this pleasant self-love they live a happy life.

Et tamen hac tam suavi Philautia felicem prorsum vitam agunt.

Nor are they less fools who admire these beasts as if they were gods.

Neque desunt æque stulti, qui hoc belluarum genus perinde ut Deos suspiciunt.

But what do I speak of any one or the other particular kind of men, as if this self-love had not the same effect everywhere and rendered most men superabundantly happy?

Sed quid ego de uno aut altero genere loquor, quasi vero non passim hæc Philautia plurimos ubique miris modis felicissimos efficiat.

As when a fellow, more deformed than a baboon, shall believe himself handsomer than Homer’s Nereus.

Cum hic quavis simia deformior, sibi plane Nireus videtur?

Another, as soon as he can draw two or three lines with a compass, presently thinks himself a Euclid. A third, that understands music no more than my horse, and for his voice as hoarse as a dunghill cock, shall yet conceive himself another Hermogenes.

Alius simulatque treis lineas circinno duxerit, prorsum Euclidem sese putat: hic ônos pros luran, et ‘Quo deterius, nec ille sonat, quo mordetur gallina marito’, tamen alterum Hermogenem esse se credit.

But of all madness that’s the most pleasant when a man, seeing another any way excellent in what he pretends to himself, makes his boasts of it as confidently as if it were his own.

Est autem illud longe suavissimum insaniæ genus, quo nonnulli, quidquid ulli suorum dotis adest, eo non aliter atque suo gloriantur.

And such was that rich fellow in Seneca, who whenever he told a story had his servants at his elbow to prompt him the names; and to that height had they flattered him that he did not question but he might venture a rubber at cuffs, a man otherwise so weak he could scarce stand, only presuming on this, that he had a company of sturdy servants about him.

Qualis erat ille bis beatus apud Senecam dives, qui narraturus historiolam quampiam, servos ad manum habebat, qui nomina suggererent, non dubitaturus, vel in pugilum certamen descendere, homo alioqui adeo imbecillus, ut vix viveret, hac re fretus, quod multos haberet domi servos egregie robustos.

Or to what purpose is it I should mind you of our professors of arts?

Porro de artium professoribus, quid attinet commemorare?

Forasmuch as this self-love is so natural to them all that they had rather part with their father’s land than their foolish opinions; but chiefly players, fiddlers, orators, and poets, of which the more ignorant each of them is, the more insolently he pleases himself, that is to say vaunts and spreads out his plumes.

quando peculiaris est horum omnium Philautia, adeo ut reperias citius, qui velit agello paterno, quam ingenio cedere, verum præcipue histrionum, cantorum, oratorum, ac poetarum, quorum quo quisque est indoctior, hoc sibi placet insolentius, hoc sese magis iactat, ac dilatat.

And like lips find like lettuce; nay, the more foolish anything is, the more ’tis admired, the greater number being ever tickled at the worst things, because, as I said before, most men are so subject to folly.

Et inveniunt similes labra lactucas, imo quo quidque est ineptius, hoc plures admiratores nanciscitur, ut pessima quæque semper plurimis arrident, propterea quod maxima pars hominum, ut diximus, Stultitiæ obnoxia est.

And therefore if the more foolish a man is, the more he pleases himself and is admired by others, to what purpose should he beat his brains about true knowledge, which first will cost him dear, and next render him the more troublesome and less confident, and lastly, please only a few?

Proinde si quis est imperitior, et sibi ipsi multo iucundior est, et pluribus admirationi, quid est quod is veram eruditionem malit, primum magno constaturam, deinde reddituram et putidiorem et timidiorem, postremo multo paucioribus placituram?

XLIII

XLIII

And now I consider it, Nature has planted, not only in particular men but even in every nation, and scarce any city is there without it, a kind of common self-love. And hence is it that the English, besides other things, particularly challenge to themselves beauty, music, and feasting.

Iam vero video naturam, ut singulis mortalibus suam, ita singulis nationibus, ac pene civitatibus communem quamdam insevisse Philautiam: Atque hinc fieri, ut Britanni præter alia, formam, musicam, et lautas mensas proprie sibi vindicent.

The Scots are proud of their nobility, alliance to the crown, and logical subtleties. The French think themselves the only well-bred men. The Parisians, excluding all others, arrogate to themselves the only knowledge of divinity. The Italians affirm they are the only masters of good letters and eloquence, and flatter themselves on this account, that of all others they only are not barbarous.

Scoti, nobilitate, et Regiæ affinitatis titulo, neque non dialecticis argutiis sibi blandiantur: Galli morum civilitatem sibi sumant: Parisienses, Theologicæ scientiæ laudem omnibus prope submotis, sibi peculiariter arrogent: Itali bonas litteras et eloquentiam asserant: Atque hoc nomine sibi suavissime blandiantur omnes, quod soli mortalium barbari non sint.

In which kind of happiness those of Rome claim the first place, still dreaming to themselves of somewhat, I know not what, of old Rome. The Venetians fancy themselves happy in the opinion of their nobility.

Quo quidem in genere felicitatis, Romani primas tenent, ac veterem illam Romam adhuc iucundissime somniant: Veneti nobilitatis opinione sunt felices.

The Greeks, as if they were the only authors of sciences, swell themselves with the titles of the ancient heroes. The Turk, and all that sink of the truly barbarous, challenge to themselves the only glory of religion and laugh at Christians as superstitious.

Græci tamquam disciplinarum auctores, veteribus illis laudatorum heroum titulis sese venditant: Turcæ totaque illa vere barbarorum colluvies etiam religionis laudem sibi vindicat, Christianos perinde ut superstitiosos irridens.

And much more pleasantly the Jews expect to this day the coming of the Messiah, and so obstinately contend for their Law of Moses. The Spaniards give place to none in the reputation of soldiery. The Germans pride themselves in their tallness of stature and skill in magic.

At multo etiam suavius Iudæi etiamdum Messiam suum constanter exspectant, ac Mosen suum, hodieque mordicus tenent: Hispani bellicam gloriam nulli concedunt: Germani corporum proceritate, et magiæ cognitione sibi placent.

XLIV

XLIV

And, not to instance in every particular, you see, I conceive, how much satisfaction this Self-love, who has a sister also not unlike herself called Flattery, begets everywhere;

Ac ne singula persequar, videtis, opinor, quantum ubique voluptatis pariat singulis et universis mortalibus Philautia, cui prope par est Assentatio soror.

for self-love is no more than the soothing of a man’s self, which, done to another, is flattery.

Nihil enim aliud Philautia, quam cum quis ipse sibi palpatur.

And though perhaps at this day it may be thought infamous, yet it is so only with them that are more taken with words than things.

Idem si alteri facias, kolakia fuerit. At hodie res quædam infamis est adulatio, sed apud eos, qui rerum vocabulis magis, quam rebus ipsis commoventur.

They think truth is inconsistent with flattery, but that it is much otherwise we may learn from the examples of true beasts.

Existimant cum adulatione fidem male cohærere: quod multo secus sese habere, vel brutorum animantium exemplis poterant admoneri.

What more fawning than a dog?

Quid enim cane adulantius?

And yet what more trusty?

At rursum quid fidelius?

What has more of those little tricks than a squirrel? And yet what more loving to man?

Quid sciuro blandius? At hoc quid est homini magis amicum?

Unless, perhaps you’ll say, men had better converse with fierce lions, merciless tigers, and furious leopards.

Nisi forte vel asperi leones, vel immites tigres, vel irritabiles pardi magis ad vitam hominum conducere videntur.

For that flattery is the most pernicious of all things, by means of which some treacherous persons and mockers have run the credulous into such mischief.

Quamquam est omnino pernieiosa quædam adulatio, qua nonnulli perfidiosi et irrisores, miseros in perniciem adigunt.

But this of mine proceeds from a certain gentleness and uprightness of mind and comes nearer to virtue than its opposite, austerity, or a morose and troublesome peevishness, as Horace calls it.

Verum hæc mea, ab ingenii benignitate, candoreque quodam proficiscitur, multoque virtuti vicinior est, quam ea qua huic opponitur, asperitas, ac morositas inconcinna, ut ait Horatius, gravisque.

This supports the dejected, relieves the distressed, encourages the fainting, awakens the stupid, refreshes the sick, supplies the untractable, joins loves together, and keeps them so joined.

Hæc deiectiores animos erigit, demulcet tristes, exstimulat languentes, expergefacit stupidos, ægrotos levat, feroces mollit, amores conciliat, conciliatos retinet.

It entices children to take their learning, makes old men frolic, and, under the color of praise, does without offense both tell princes their faults and show them the way to amend them.

Pueritiam ad capessenda studia litterarum allicit, senes exhilarat, principes citra offensam sub imagine laudis, et admonet et docet.

In short, it makes every man the more jocund and acceptable to himself, which is the chiefest point of felicity.

In summa, facit, ut quisque sibi ipse sit iucundior et carior, quæ quidem felicitatis pars est vel præcipua.

Again, what is more friendly than when two horses scrub one another?

Quid autem officiosius, quam cum mutuum muli scabunt?

And to say nothing of it, that it’s a main part of physic, and the only thing in poetry; ’tis the delight and relish of all human society.

Ut ne dicam interim hanc esse magnam illius laudatæ eloquentiæ partem, maiorem Medicinæ, maximam Poetieæ: denique hanc esse totius humanæ consuetudinis mel et condimentum.

XLV

XLV

But ’tis a sad thing, they say, to be mistaken. Nay rather, he is most miserable that is not so. For they are quite beside the mark that place the happiness of men in things themselves, since it only depends upon opinion.

Sed falli, inquiunt, miserum est; imo non falli, miserrimum. Nimium enim desipiunt, qui in rebus ipsis felicitatem hominis sitam esse existimant.

For so great is the obscurity and variety of human affairs that nothing can be clearly known, as it is truly said by our academics, the least insolent of all the philosophers;

Ex opinionibus ea pendet: Nam rerum humanarum tanta est obscuritas, varietasque, ut nihil dilucide sciri possit, quemadmodum recte dictum est ab Academicis meis, inter philosophos quam minimum insolentibus.

or if it could, it would but obstruct the pleasure of life.

Aut si quid sciri potest, id non raro officit etiam vitæ iucunditati.

Lastly, the mind of man is so framed that it is rather taken with the false colors than truth;

Postremo sic sculptus est hominis animus, ut longe magis fucis, quam veris capiatur.

of which if anyone has a mind to make the experiment, let him go to church and hear sermons, in which if there be anything serious delivered, the audience is either asleep, yawning, or weary of it;

Cuius rei si quis experimentum expositum et obvium quærat, conciones ac templa petat, in quibus si quid serium narratur, dormitant, oscitant, nauseant omnes.

but if the preacher—pardon my mistake, I would have said declaimer—as too often it happens, fall but into an old wives’ story, they’re presently awake, prick up their ears and gape after it.

Quod si clamator ille (lapsa sum, declamator dicere volebam) ita ut sæpe faciunt, anilem aliquam fabellam exordiatur, expergiscuntur, eriguntur, inhiant omnes.

In like manner, if there be any poetical saint, or one of whom there goes more stories than ordinary, as for example, a George, a Christopher, or a Barbara, you shall see him more religiously worshiped than Peter, Paul, or even Christ himself.

Item si quis sit Divus fabulosiur et poeticus, quod si exemplum requiris, finge huius generis Georgium aut Christophorum, aut Barbaram, videbitis hunc longe religiosius coli, quam Petrum, aut Paulum, aut ipsum etiam Christum.

But these things are not for this place.

Verum hæc non huius sunt loci.

And now at how cheap a rate is this happiness purchased! Forasmuch as to the thing itself a man’s whole endeavor is required, be it never so inconsiderable; but the opinion of it is easily taken up, which yet conduces as much or more to happiness.

Iam quanto minoris constat hæc felicitatis accessio? Quandoquidem res ipsas aliquoties magno negotio pares oportet, vel levissimas, uti Grammaticen. At opinio facillime sumitur. Quæ tamen tantumdem, aut amplius etiam ad felicitatem conducat.

For suppose a man were eating rotten stockfish, the very smell of which would choke another, and yet believed it a dish for the gods, what difference is there as to his happiness?

Age si quis putribus vescatur salsamentis, quorum alius nec odorem ferre possit, et tamen huic ambrosiam sapiant, quæso, quid interest ad felicitatem?

Whereas on the contrary, if another’s stomach should turn at a sturgeon, wherein, I pray, is he happier than the other?

Contra, si acipenser alicui nauseam sapiat, quid referet ad vitæ beatitudinem?

If a man have a crooked, ill-favored wife, who yet in his eye may stand in competition with Venus, is it not the same as if she were truly beautiful?

Si cui sit uxor egregie deformis, quæ tamen marito, vel cum ipsa Venere certare posse videatur, nonne perinde fuerit, ac si vere formosa foret?

Or if seeing an ugly, ill-pointed piece, he should admire the work as believing it some great master’s hand, were he not much happier, think you, than they that buy such things at vast rates, and yet perhaps reap less pleasure from them than the other?

Si quis tabulam minio lutoque male oblitam, suspectet, ac demiretur, persuasum habens, Apellis aut Zeuxidis esse picturam, nonne felicior etiam fuerit eo, qui eorum artificum manum magno emerit, fortassis minus ex eo spectaculo voluptatis percepturus?

I know one of my name that gave his new married wife some counterfeit jewels, and as he was a pleasant droll, persuaded her that they were not only right but of an inestimable price;

Novi ego quemdam mei nominis, qui novæ nuptæ gemmas aliquot adulterinas dono dedit, persuadens, ut erat facundus nugator, eas non modo veras ac nativas esse, verum etiam singulari atque inæstimabili pretio.

and what difference, I pray, to her, that was as well pleased and contented with glass and kept it as warily as if it had been a treasure?

Quæso, quid intererat puellæ, cum vitro non minus iucunde pasceret et oculos, et animum, nugas, perinde ut eximium aliquem thesaurum, conditas apud sese servaret?

In the meantime the husband saved his money and had this advantage of her folly, that he obliged her as much as if he had bought them at a great rate.

Maritus interim et sumptum effugiebat, et uxoris errore fruebatur, nec eam tamen sibi minus habebat devinctam, quam si magno empta donasset.

Or what difference, think you, between those in Plato’s imaginary cave that stand gaping at the shadows and figures of things, so they please themselves and have no need to wish,

Num quid interesse censetis inter eos, qui in specu illo Platonico variarum rerum umbras ac simulacra demirantur, modo nihil desiderent, neque minus sibi placeant?