If there can be any great entertainment without a woman at it, let others look to it. This I am sure, there was never any pleasant which folly gave not the relish to.

Equidem an sit ullum lautum conuiuium, ubi mulier non adsit, uiderint alii. Illud certe constat, citra Stultitiæ condimentum, nullum omnino suaue esse.

Insomuch that if they find no occasion of laughter, they send for “one that may make it,” or hire some buffoon flatterer, whose ridiculous discourse may put by the gravity of the company.

Adeo ut si desit, qui seu uera, seu simulata STVLTITIA risum moueat, gelôtopoion quempiam uel mercede conductum accersant, aut ridiculum aliquem parasitum adhibeant, qui ridendis, hoc est, stultis dicteriis, silentium ac tristitiam compotationis discutiat.

For to what purpose were it to clog our stomachs with dainties, junkets, and the like stuff, unless our eyes and ears, nay whole mind, were likewise entertained with jests, merriments, and laughter?

Quorsum enim attinebat tot bellariis, tot lautitiis, tot cupediis onerare uentrem, nisi et oculi pariter et aures, nisi totus animus, risu, iocis, leporibus pasceretur?

But of these kind of second courses I am the only cook;

At istiusmodi tragematum ego sum architectrix unica.

though yet those ordinary practices of our feasts, as choosing a king, throwing dice, drinking healths, trolling it round, dancing the cushion, and the like, were not invented by the seven wise men but myself, and that too for the common pleasure of mankind.

Quamquam illa ipsa iam in conuiuiis solennia, regem sortiri talis, lusitare tesseris, Philotesiis inuitare, certare sumperiphorais ad Myrtum canere, saltare, gesticulari, non a septem Græciæ Sophis, uerum a nobis ad humani generis salutem reperta sunt.

The nature of all which things is such that the more of folly they have, the more they conduce to human life, which, if it were unpleasant, did not deserve the name of life;

Atqui omnium huiusmodi rerum ea natura est, ut quo plus habeant stultitiæ, hoc plus conferant uitæ mortalium, quæ si tristis sit ne uita quidem appellanda uideatur.

and other than such it could not well be, did not these kind of diversions wipe away tediousness, next cousin to the other.

Tristis autem euadat oportet, nisi cognatum tædium, hoc genus oblectamentis absterseris.

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XIX

But perhaps there are some that neglect this way of pleasure and rest satisfied in the enjoyment of their friends, calling friendship the most desirable of all things, more necessary than either air, fire, or water; so delectable that he that shall take it out of the world had as good put out the sun;

Sed erunt fortassis, qui hoc quoque uoluptatis genus negligant, et in amicorum caritate et consuetudine acquiescant, amicitiam dictitantes unam rebus omnibus anteponendam, quippe rem usque adeo necessariam, ut nec ær, nec ignis, nec aqua magis.

and, lastly, so commendable, if yet that make anything to the matter, that neither the philosophers themselves doubted to reckon it among their chiefest good. But what if I show you that I am both the beginning and end of this so great good also?

Rursum adeo iucundam, ut qui hanc de medio sustulerit, solem sustulerit: adeo denique honestam, si quid tamen hoc ad rem pertinet, ut nec ipsi philosophi uereantur eam inter præcipua bona commemorare. Sed quid, si doceo me huius quoque tanti boni, et puppim esse et proram?

Nor shall I go about to prove it by fallacies, sorites, dilemmas, or other the like subtleties of logicians, but after my blunt way point out the thing as clearly as it were with my finger.

Docebo autem non crocodilitis, aut soritis ceratinis, aut aliis id genus dialecticorum argutiis, sed pingui, quod aiunt, Minerua, rem digito propemodum ostendam.

And now tell me if to wink, slip over, be blind at, or deceived in the vices of our friends, nay, to admire and esteem them for virtues, be not at least the next degree to folly?

Age, conniuere, labi, cæcutire, hallucinari in amicorum uitiis, quædam etiam insignia uitia pro uirtutibus amare, mirarique, an non stultitiæ uidetur affine?

What is it when one kisses his mistress’ freckle neck, another the wart on her nose? When a father shall swear his squint-eyed child is more lovely than Venus? What is this, I say, but mere folly?

Quid cum alius exosculatur næuum in amica, alium delectat polypus Agnæ, cum filium strabonem appellat petum pater: quid, inquam, hoc est, nisi mera stultitia?

And so, perhaps you’ll cry it is; and yet ’tis this only that joins friends together and continues them so joined.

Clament terque quaterque, stultitiam esse: atqui hæc una stultitia, et iungit iunctos, et seruat amicos.

I speak of ordinary men, of whom none are born without their imperfections, and happy is he that is pressed with the least: for among wise princes there is either no friendship at all, or if there be, ’tis unpleasant and reserved, and that too but among a very few ’twere a crime to say none. For that the greatest part of mankind are fools, nay there is not anyone that dotes not in many things; and friendship, you know, is seldom made but among equals.

De mortalibus loquor, quorum nemo sine uitiis nascitur, optimus ille est, qui minimis urgetur: cum interim inter sapientes istos Deos, aut omnino non coalescit amicitia, aut tetrica quædam et insuauis intercedit, nec ea nisi cum paucissimis, nam cum nullis dicere religio est, propterea quod maxima pars hominum desipit, imo nullus est, qui non multis modis deliret, et non nisi inter similes cohæret necessitudo.

And yet if it should so happen that there were a mutual good will between them, it is in no wise firm nor very long lived; that is to say, among such as are morose and more circumspect than needs, as being eagle-sighted into his friends’ faults, but so blear-eyed to their own that they take not the least notice of the wallet that hangs behind their own shoulders.

Quod si quando inter seueros istos coierit mutua beneuolentia, ea certe haudquaquam stabilis est, nec admodum duratura, nimirum inter morosos et plus satis oculatos, ut qui in amicorum uitiis tam cernunt acutum, quam aut aquila, aut serpens Epidaurius. At ipsi in propriis uitiis quam lippiunt, et quam non uident manticam in tergo pendentem.

Since then the nature of man is such that there is scarce anyone to be found that is not subject to many errors,

Itaque cum ea sit hominum natura, ut nullum ingenium reperiatur non magnis obnoxium uitiis.

add to this the great diversity of minds and studies, so many slips, oversights, and chances of human life, and how is it possible there should be any true friendship between those Argus, so much as one hour, were it not for that which the Greeks excellently call “euetheian”? And you may render by folly or good nature, choose you whether.

Adde tantam annorum ac studiorum dissimilitudinem, tot lapsus, tot errata, tot casus uitæ mortalis, quo pacto uel horam constabit inter Argos istos amicitiæ iucunditas, nisi accesserit ea, quam mire Græci euêtheian appellantl, hanc seu stultitiam, seu morum facilitatem uertas licebit.

But what?

Quid autem?

Is not the author and parent of all our love, Cupid, as blind as a beetle? And as with him all colors agree, so from him is it that everyone likes his own sweeter-kin best, though never so ugly, and “that an old man dotes on his old wife, and a boy on his girl.” These things are not only done everywhere but laughed at too; yet as ridiculous as they are, they make society pleasant, and, as it were, glue it together.

an non Cupido ille omnis necessitudinis auctor et parens, prorsum oculis captus est, cui quemadmodum ta mê kala, kala pephantai, itidem inter uos quoque efficit, ut suum cuique pulcrum uideatur, ut cascus cascam, perinde ut pupus pupam deamet. Hæc passim et fiunt et ridentur, sed tamen hæc ridicula iucundam uitæ glutinant copulantque societatem.

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And what has been said of friendship may more reasonably be presumed of matrimony, which in truth is no other than an inseparable conjunction of life.

Porro quod de amicitia dictum est, id multo magis de coniugio sentiendum, quod quidem nihil est aliud, quam indiuidua uitæ coniunctio.

Good God! What divorces, or what not worse than that, would daily happen were not the converse between a man and his wife supported and cherished by flattery, apishness, gentleness, ignorance, dissembling, certain retainers of mine also! Whoop holiday!

Deum immortalem! quæ non diuortia, aut etiam diuortiis deteriora passim acciderent, nisi uiri foeminæque domestica consuetudo, per adulationem, per iocum, per facilitatem, errorem, dissimulationem, meum utique satellitium, fulciretur alereturque?

How few marriages should we have, if the husband should but thoroughly examine how many tricks his pretty little mop of modesty has played before she was married!

Papæ, quam pauca coirent matrimonia, si sponsus prudenter exquireret, quos lusus delicata illa sicuti uidetur, ac pudens uirguncula iam multo ante nuptias luserit?

And how fewer of them would hold together, did not most of the wife’s actions escape the husband’s knowledge through his neglect or sottishness!

Tum quanto pauciora cohærerent inita, nisi plurima uxorum facta per uiri uel negligentiam, uel stuporem laterent?

And for this also you are beholden to me, by whose means it is that the husband is pleasant to his wife, the wife to her husband, and the house kept in quiet.

Atque hæc quidem merito stultitiæ tribuuntur, uerum ea interim præstat, ut marito iucunda sit uxor, uxori iucundus maritus, ut tranquilla domus, ut maneat affinitas.

A man is laughed at, when seeing his wife weeping he licks up her tears.

Ridetur, cuculus, curruca, et quid non uocatur, cum moechæ lacrymas labellis exsorbet.

But how much happier is it to be thus deceived than by being troubled with jealousy not only to torment himself but set all things in a hubbub!

At quanto felicius, sic errare quam zelotypiæ diligentia cum sese conficere, tum omnia miscere tragædiis?

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XXI

In fine, I am so necessary to the making of all society and manner of life both delightful and lasting, that neither would the people long endure their governors, nor the servant his master, nor the master his footman, nor the scholar his tutor, nor one friend another, nor the wife her husband, nor the usurer the borrower, nor a soldier his commander, nor one companion another, unless all of them had their interchangeable failings, one while flattering, other while prudently conniving, and generally sweetening one another with some small relish of folly.

In summa usque adeo nulla societas, nulla uitæ coniunctio sine me uel iucunda, uel stabilis esse potest, ut nec populus Principem, nec seruum herus, nec heram pedissequa, nec discipulum præceptor, nec amicus amicum, nec maritum uxor, nec locator conductorem, nec contubernalis contubernalem, nec conuictor conuictorem diutius ferat, nisi uicissim inter sese nunc errent, nunc adulentur, nunc prudentes conniueant, nunc aliquo stultitiæ melle sese deliniant.

And now you’d think I had said all, but you shall hear yet greater things.

Iam hæc scio uideri maxima, sed audietis maiora.

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Will he, I pray, love anyone that hates himself?

Quæso num quemquam amabit, qui ipse semet oderit?

Or ever agree with another who is not at peace with himself?

Num cum alio concordabit, qui secum ipse dissidet?

Or beget pleasure in another that is troublesome to himself?

Num ulli uoluptatem adferet, qui sibimet ipsi sit grauis ac molestus?

I think no one will say it that is not more foolish than Folly.

Istud, opinor, nemo dixerit, nisi qui sit ipsa stultior Stultitia.

And yet, if you should exclude me, there’s no man but would be so far from enduring another that he would stink in his own nostrils, be nauseated with his own actions, and himself become odious to himself;

Atqui si me excluseris, adeo nemo poterit alterum ferre, ut ipse etiam sibi quisque puteat, sua cuique sordeant, sibi quisque sit inuisus.

forasmuch as Nature, in too many things rather a stepdame than a parent to us, has imprinted that evil in men, especially such as have least judgment, that everyone repents him of his own condition and admires that of others.

Quandoquidem id mali natura, non paucis in rebus nouerca magis quam parens, mortalium ingeniis inseuit, præcipue paulo cordatiorum, ut sui quemque poeniteat. admiretur aliena.

Whence it comes to pass that all her gifts, elegancy, and graces corrupt and perish.

Quo fit ut omnes dotes, omnis elegantia decorque uitæ uitietur, pereatque.

For what benefit is beauty, the greatest blessing of heaven, if it be mixed with affectation?

Quid enim proderit forma, præcipuum Deorum immortalium munus, si putiditatis uitio contaminetur?

What youth, if corrupted with the severity of old age?

Quid iuuenta, si senilis tristitiæ fermento corrumpatur?

Lastly, what is that in the whole business of a man’s life he can do with any grace to himself or others—for it is not so much a thing of art, as the very life of every action, that it be done with a good mien—unless this my friend and companion, Self-love, be present with it? Nor does she without cause supply me the place of a sister, since her whole endeavors are to act my part everywhere.

Denique quid in omni uitæ munere uel tecum, uel apud alios acturus es cum decoro (est enim non artis modo, uerum etiam omnis actionis caput, decere quod agas) nisi adsit dextra hæc Philautia, quæ mihi merito germanæ est uice? Adeo strenue meas ubique partes agit.

For what is more foolish than for a man to study nothing else than how to please himself? To make himself the object of his own admiration?

Quid autem æque stultum, atque tibi ipsi placere?

And yet, what is there that is either delightful or taking, nay rather what not the contrary, that a man does against the hair?

te ipsum admirari? At rursum quid uenustum, quid gratiosum, quid non indecorum erit, quod agas, ipse tibi displicens?

Take away this salt of life, and the orator may even sit still with his action, the musician with all his division will be able to please no man, the player be hissed off the stage, the poet and all his Muses ridiculous, the painter with his art contemptible, and the physician with all his slip-slops go a-begging.

Tolle hoc uitæ condimentum et protinus frigebit cum sua actione Orator, nulli placebit cum suis numeris Musicus, explodetur cum sua gesticulatione Histrio, ridebitur una suis cum Musis Poeta, sordebit cum arte Pictor, esuriet cum pharmacis Medicus.

Lastly, you will be taken for an ugly fellow instead of youthful, and a beast instead of a wise man, a child instead of eloquent, and instead of a well-bred man, a clown.

Postremo pro Nireo Thersites, pro Phaone Nestor, pro Minerua suslls, pro facundo infans, pro urbano rusticus uideberis.

So necessary a thing it is that everyone flatter himself and commend himself to himself before he can be commended by others.

In tantum necesse est, ut sibi quoque quisque blandiatur, et assentatiuncula quapiam sibi prius commendetur, quam aliis possit esse commendatus.

Lastly, since it is the chief point of happiness “that a man is willing to be what he is,” you have further abridged in this my Self-love, that no man is ashamed of his own face, no man of his own wit, no man of his own parentage, no man of his own house, no man of his manner of living, nor any man of his own country; so that a Highlander has no desire to change with an Italian, a Thracian with an Athenian, nor a Scythian for the Fortunate Islands.

Denique cum præcipua felicitatis pars sit, ut quod sis, esse uelis, nimirum totum hoc præstat compendio mea Philautia, ut neminem suæ formæ, neminem sui ingenii, neminem generis, neminem loci, neminem instituti, nemiminem patriæ poeniteat, adeo, ut nec Irlandus cum Italo, nec Thrax cum Atheniensi, nec Scytha cum Insulis Fortunatis cupiat permutare.

O the singular care of Nature, that in so great a variety of things has made all equal!

Et o singularem naturæ sollicitudinem, ut in tanta rerum uarietate paria fecit omnia.

Where she has been sometimes sparing of her gifts she has recompensed it with the more of self-love; though here, I must confess, I speak foolishly, it being the greatest of all other her gifts:

Vbi dotibus suis nonnihil detraxit, ibi plusculum Philautiæ solet addere, quamquam hoc ipsum stulte profecto dixi, cum hæc ipsa dos sit uel maxima.

to say nothing that no great action was ever attempted without my motion, or art brought to perfection without my help.

Vt ne dicam interim, nullum egregium facinus adiri, nisi meo impulsu, nullas egregias artes, nisi me auctore fuisse repertas.

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XXIII

Is not war the very root and matter of all famed enterprises? And yet what more foolish than to undertake it for I know what trifles, especially when both parties are sure to lose more than they get by the bargain?

An non omnium laudatorum facinorum seges ac fons est bellum? Porro quid stultius, quam ob causas, nescio quas, certamen eiusmodi suscipere, unde pars utraque semper plus aufert incommodi quam boni?

For of those that are slain, not a word of them; and for the rest,

Nam eorum qui cadunt, veluti Megarensium oudeis logos.

when both sides are close engaged “and the trumpets make an ugly noise,” what use of those wise men, I pray, that are so exhausted with study that their thin, cold blood has scarce any spirits left? No, it must be those blunt, fat fellows, that by how much the more they exceed in courage, fall short in understanding.

Dein cum iam utrimque constitere ferratæ acies, et rauco crepuerunt cornua cantu, quis, oro, Sapientum istorum usus, qui studiis exhausti, vix tenui frigidoque sanguine spiritum ducunt, crassis ac pinguibus opus est, quibus quam plurimum adsit audaciæ, mentis quam minimum.

Unless perhaps one had rather choose Demosthenes for a soldier, who, following the example of Archilochius, threw away his arms and betook him to his heels e’er he had scarce seen his enemy; as ill a soldier, as happy an orator.

Nisi si quis Demosthenem militem malit, qui Archilochi sequutus consilium, vix conspectis hostibus, abiecto clypeo fugit tam ignavus miles, quam orator sapiens.

But counsel, you’ll say, is not of least concern in matters of war.

Sed consilium, inquiunt, in bellis plurimum habet momenti.

In a general I grant it; but this thing of warring is not part of philosophy, but managed by parasites, panders, thieves, cut-throats, plowmen, sots, spendthrifts, and such other dregs of mankind, not philosophers;

Equidem fateor in duce, verum id quidem militare, non philosophicum, alioqui parasitis, lenonibus, latronibus, sicariis, agricolis, stupidis, obæratis, et huiusmodi mortalium fece res tam præclara geritur, non Philosophis lucernariis.

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XXIV

who how unapt they are even for common converse, let Socrates, whom the oracle of Apollo, though not so wisely, judged “the wisest of all men living,” be witness; who stepping up to speak somewhat, I know not what, in public was forced to come down again well laughed at for his pains. Though yet in this he was not altogether a fool, that he refused the appellation of wise, and returning it back to the oracle, delivered his opinion that a wise man should abstain from meddling with public business; unless perhaps he should have rather admonished us to beware of wisdom if we intended to be reckoned among the number of men,

Qui quidem quam sint ad omnem vitæ usum inutiles, vel Socrates ipse unus Apollinis oraculo sapiens, sed minime sapienter iudicatus, documento esse potest, qui nescio quid publice conatus agere, summo cum omnium risu discessit. Quamquam viris in hoc non usquequaque desipit, quod sapientis cognomen non agnoscit, atque ipsi Deo rescribit, quodque censet sapienti a Republica tractanda abstinendum esse, nisi quod potius monere debuerat, a sapientia temperandum ei, qui velit in hominum haberi numero.

there being nothing but his wisdom that first accused and afterwards sentenced him to the drinking of his poisoned cup.

Deinde quid eumdem accusatum ad cicutam bibendam adegit, nisi sapientia?

For while, as you find him in Aristophanes, philosophizing about clouds and ideas, measuring how far a flea could leap, and admiring that so small a creature as a fly should make so great a buzz, he meddled not with anything that concerned common life.

Nam dum nubes et ideas philosophatur, dum pulicis pedes metitur, dum culicum vocem miratur, quæ ad vitam communem attinent, non didicit.

But his master being in danger of his head, his scholar Plato is at hand, to wit that famous patron, that being disturbed with the noise of the people, could not go through half his first sentence.

Sed adest præceptori de capite periclitanti discipulus Plato, egregius, scilicet, patronus, qui turbæ strepitu offensus, vix dimidiatam illam periodum pronunciare potuit.

What should I speak of Theophrastus,

Iam quid dicam de Theophrasto?

who being about to make an oration, became as dumb as if he had met a wolf in his way, which yet would have put courage in a man of war? Or Isocrates, that was so cowhearted that he dared never attempt it?

qui progressus in concionem, repente obmutuit, perinde quasi lupo conspecto. Qui militem animasset in bello? Isocrates ob ingenii timiditatem nec hiscere umquam est ausus.

Or Tully, that great founder of the Roman eloquence, that could never begin to speak without an odd kind of trembling, like a boy that had got the hiccough; which Fabius interprets as an argument of a wise orator and one that was sensible of what he was doing;

M. Tullius eloquentiæ Romanæ parens, semper indecora trepidatione, perinde quasi puer singultiens, exordiri consuevit: Idque Fabius interpretatur cordati oratoris et periculum intelligentis argumentuml.

and while he says it, does he not plainly confess that wisdom is a great obstacle to the true management of business?

Verum cum hoc dicit, an non palam fatetur sapientiam obstare ad rem probe gerendam?

What would become of them, think you, were they to fight it out at blows that are so dead through fear when the contest is only with empty words?

Quid isti facient, cum res ferro geritur, qui tum metu exanimantur, cum nudis verbis est decertandum?

And next to these is cried up, forsooth, that goodly sentence of Plato’s, “Happy is that commonwealth where a philosopher is prince, or whose prince is addicted to philosophy.”

Et post hæc celebratur, si Diis placet, præclara illa Platonis sententia, beatas fore respublicas, si aut imperent philosophi, aut philosophentur Imperatores.

When yet if you consult historians, you’ll find no princes more pestilent to the commonwealth than where the empire has fallen to some smatterer in philosophy or one given to letters.

Imo si consules historicos, reperies, nimirum, nullos reipublicæ pestilentiores fuisse Principes, quam si quando in philosophastrum aliquem aut litteris addictum inciderit imperium.

To the truth of which I think the Catoes give sufficient credit; of whom the one was ever disturbing the peace of the commonwealth with his hair-brained accusations; the other, while he too wisely vindicated its liberty, quite overthrew it.

Cuius rei satis, opinor, faciunt fidem Catones, quorum alter insanis delationibus reipublicæ tranquillitatem vexavit, alter libertatem Populi Romani, dum nimium sapienter vindicat, funditus subvertit.

Add to this the Bruti, Casii, nay Cicero himself, that was no less pernicious to the commonwealth of Rome than was Demosthenes to that of Athens.

Adde his Brutos, Cassios, Gracchos, ac Ciceronem etiam ipsum, qui non minus pestilens fuit Romanorum Reipublicæ, quam Demosthenes Atheniensium.

Besides M. Antoninus (that I may give you one instance that there was once one good emperor; for with much ado I can make it out) was become burdensome and hated of his subjects upon no other score but that he was so great a philosopher.

Porro Marcus Antoninus ut donemus bonum Imperatorem fuisse, iam id ipsum extorquere possim, fuit enim hoc ipso nomine gravis, atque invisus civibus, quod tam philosophus esset.

But admitting him good, he did the commonwealth more hurt in leaving behind him such a son as he did than ever he did it good by his own government.

Sed tamen ut donemus fuisse bonum, at certe pestilentior fuit Reipublicæ tali relicto filio, quam fuerat sua administratione salutaris.

For these kind of men that are so given up to the study of wisdom are generally most unfortunate, but chiefly in their children; Nature, it seems, so providently ordering it, lest this mischief of wisdom should spread further among mankind.

Quandoquidem solet hoc hominum genus, qui se sapientiæ studio dediderunt, cum cæteris in rebus, tum præcipue in liberis propagandis infelicissimum esse, providente opinor natura, ne malum hoc sapientiæ inter mortales latius serpat.

For which reason it is manifest why Cicero’s son was so degenerate, and that wise Socrates’ children, as one has well observed, were more like their mother than their father, that is to say, fools.

Itaque Ciceroni degenerem fuisse filium constat, et sapiens ille Socrates liberos habuit matri similiores quam patri, ut non omnino pessime scripsit quidam, id est, stultos.

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However this were to be born with, if only as to public employments they were “like a sow upon a pair of organs,” were they anything more apt to discharge even the common offices of life.

Sed utcumque ferendum si tantum ad publica munia forent onoi pros luran, nisi ad omnem prorsus vitæ functionem nihil essent dexteriores.

Invite a wise man to a feast and he’ll spoil the company, either with morose silence or troublesome disputes.

Ad convivium adhibe sapientem, aut tristi silentio, aut molestis quæstiunculis obturbabit.

Take him out to dance, and you’ll swear “a cow would have done it better.”

Ad chorum advoca, camelum saltare dices.

Bring him to the theatre, and his very looks are enough to spoil all, till like Cato he take an occasion of withdrawing rather than put off his supercilious gravity.

Ad publicos ludos trahe, ipso vultu populi voluptatibus obstabit et cogetur e theatro migrare sapiens Cato, quandoquidem supercilium non potest ponere.

Let him fall into discourse, and he shall make more sudden stops than if he had a wolf before him.

In colloquium inciderit, repente lupus in fabula.

Let him buy, or sell, or in short go about any of those things without there is no living in this world, and you’ll say this piece of wisdom were rather a stock than a man, of so little use is he to himself, country, or friends;

Si quid emendum, si contrahendum, breviter, si quid eorum agendum, sine quibus hæc quotidiana vita transigi non potest, stipiteml dicas sapientem istum, non hominem.

and all because he is wholly ignorant of common things and lives a course of life quite different from the people;

Usque adeo neque sibi, neque patriæ, neque suis usquam usui esse potest, propterea quod communium rerum sit imperitus, et a populari opinione, vulgaribusque institutis longe lateque discrepet.

by which means it is impossible but that he contract a popular odium, to wit, by reason of the great diversity of their life and souls. For what is there at all done among men that is not full of folly, and that too from fools and to fools?

Qua quidem ex re odium quoque consequatur necessum est, nimirum, ob tantam vitæ atque animorum dissimilitudinem. Quid enim omnino geritur inter mortales non stultitiæ plenum, idque a stultis, et apud stultos?

Against which universal practice if any single one shall dare to set up his throat, my advice to him is, that following the example of Timon, he retire into some desert and there enjoy his wisdom to himself.

Quod si quis unus universis velit obstrepere, huic ego suaserim, ut Timonem imitatus, in solitudinem aliquam demigret, atque ibi solus sua fruatur sapientia.

XXVI

XXVI

But, to return to my design, what power was it that drew those stony, oaken, and wild people into cities but flattery?

Verum ut ad id quod institueram, revertar: quæ vis saxeos, quernos, et agrestes illos homines in civitatem coegit, nisi adulatio?

For nothing else is signified by Amphion and Orpheus’ harp.

Nihil enim aliud significat illa Amphionis et Orpheil cithara.

What was it that, when the common people of Rome were like to have destroyed all by their mutiny, reduced them to obedience?

Quæ res plebem Romanam iam extrema molientem, in concordiam civitatis revocavit?

Was it a philosophical oration?

Num oratio philosophica?

Least.

Minime.

But a ridiculous and childish fable of the belly and the rest of the members.

Imo ridiculus ac puerilis apologus de ventre, reliquisque corporis membris confictus.

And as good success had Themistocles in his of the fox and hedgehog.

Idem valuit Themistoclis apologus consimilis de vulpe et ericio.

What wise man’s oration could ever have done so much with the people as Sertorius’ invention of his white hind? Or his ridiculous emblem of pulling off a horse’s tail hair by hair? Or as Lycurgus his example of his two whelps?

Quæ Sapientis oratio tantumdem potuisset, quantum commentitia illa cerva Sertorii potuit quantum Laconis illius de duobus canibus deque vellendis equinæ caudæ pilis ridendum commentum?

To say nothing of Minos and Numa, both which ruled their foolish multitudes with fabulous inventions;

Ut ne quid dicam de Minoe, deque Numa, quorum uterque fabulosis inventis stultam multitudinem rexit.

with which kind of toys that great and powerful beast, the people, are led anyway.

Huiusmodi nugis commovetur ingens ac potens illa bellua, populus.

XXVII

XXVII

Again what city ever received Plato’s or Aristotle’s laws, or Socrates’ precepts? But, on the contrary, what made the Decii devote themselves to the infernal gods, or Q. Curtius to leap into the gulf, but an empty vainglory, a most bewitching siren? And yet ’tis strange it should be so condemned by those wise philosophers.

At rursum, quæ civitas umquam Platonis, aut Aristotelis leges, aut Socratis dogmata recepit? Tum autem quæ res Deciis persuasit, ut ultro sese Diis Manibus devoverent? Quod Q. Curtium in specum traxit, nisi inanis gloria, dulcissima quædam Siren, sed mirum quam a Sapientibus istis damnata?

For what is more foolish, say they, than for a suppliant suitor to flatter the people, to buy their favor with gifts, to court the applauses of so many fools, to please himself with their acclamations, to be carried on the people’s shoulders as in triumph, and have a brazen statue in the marketplace?

Quid enim stultius, inquiunt, quam supplicem candidatum blandiri populo, congiariis favorem emere, venari tot stultorum applausus, acclamationibus sibi placere, in triumpho veluti signum aliquod populo spectandum circumferri, æneum in foro stare?