what those gloves on their hands, but a sincere administration of the Sacraments, and free from all touch of worldly business; what their crosier, but a careful looking after the flock committed to their charge; what the cross born before them, but victory over all earthly affections—

Quid manus chirothecis communitæ, puram et ab omni rerum humanarum contagio immunem sacramentorum administrationem. Quid pedum, nimirum, crediti gregis vigilantissimam curam. Quid prælata crux, videlicet, omnium humanorum affectuum victoriam.

these, I say, and many of the like kind should anyone truly consider, would he not live a sad and troublesome life?

Hæc, inquam, atque id genus multa, si quis perpendat, nonne tristem ac sollicitam vitam egerit?

Whereas now they do well enough while they feed themselves only, and for the care of their flock either put it over to Christ or lay it all on their suffragans, as they call them, or some poor vicars.

At nunc belle faciunt, cum sese pascunt. Cæterum ovium curam aut ipsi Christo mandant, aut in Fratres, quos vocant, ac vicarios reiiciunt.

Nor do they so much as remember their name, or what the word bishop signifies, to wit, labor, care, and trouble. But in racking to gather money they truly act the part of bishops, and herein acquit themselves to be no blind seers.

Neque vel nominis sui recordantur, quid sonet Episcopi vocabulum, nempe laborem, curam, sollicitudinem. Verum in irretiendis pecuniis, plane Episcopos agunt, oud’ alaoskopiê.

LVIII

LVIII

In like manner cardinals, if they thought themselves the successors of the apostles, they would likewise imagine that the same things the other did are required of them,

Ad eumdem modum Cardinales si cogitent sese in Apostolorum locum successisse, eadem ab ipsis requiri, quæ illi præstiterunt.

and that they are not lords but dispensers of spiritual things of which they must shortly give an exact account.

Deinde non dominos esse, sed administratores spiritalium dotium, de quibus omnibus sint paullo post exactissime reddituri rationem.

But if they also would a little philosophize on their habit and think with themselves what’s the meaning of their linen rochet, is it not a remarkable and singular integrity of life?

Imo si vel in cultu paulisper philosophentur, atque ita secum cogitent, quid sibi vult hic vestitus candor? Nonne summam et eximiam vitæ innocentiam?

What that inner purple; is it not an earnest and fervent love of God?

Quid interior purpura? Nonne flagrantissimum in Deum amorem?

Or what that outward, whose loose plaits and long train fall round his Reverence’s mule and are large enough to cover a camel;

Quid rursus exterior sinuosa capacitate diffluens, ac totam reverendissimi complectens mulam, quamquam una vel camelo contegendo suffecerit?

is it not charity that spreads itself so wide to the succor of all men? that is, to instruct, exhort, comfort, reprehend, admonish, compose wars, resist wicked princes, and willingly expend not only their wealth but their very lives for the flock of Christ:

Nonne caritatem latissime sese pandentem ad subveniendum omnibus, hoc est, ad docendum, exhortandum, increpandum, admonendum, componenda bella, resistendum improbis principibus, et vel sanguinem libenter impendendum gregi Christiano, non solum opes.

though yet what need at all of wealth to them that supply the room of the poor apostles?

Quamquam quorsum omnino opes, pauperum Apostolorum vicem gerentibus?

These things, I say, did they but duly consider, they would not be so ambitious of that dignity; or, if they were, they would willingly leave it and live a laborious, careful life, such as was that of the ancient apostles.

Hæc si perpenderent, inquam, nec eum locum ambirent, et libenter relinquerent, aut certe vitam plane laboriosam, atque sollicitam agerent, cuiusmodi veteres illi vixerunt Apostoli.

LIX

LIX

And for popes, that supply the place of Christ, if they should endeavor to imitate His life, to wit His poverty, labor, doctrine, cross, and contempt of life, or should they consider what the name pope, that is father, or holiness, imports, who would live more disconsolate than themselves? or who would purchase that chair with all his substance? or defend it, so purchased, with swords, poisons, and all force imaginable?

Iam Summi Pontifices, qui Christi vices gerunt, si conentur eiusdem vitam æmulari, nempe paupertatem, labores, doctrinam, crucem, vitæ contemptum, si vel Papæ, id est patris nomen vel Sanctissimi cognomen cogitent, quid erit in terris afflictius? aut quis eum locum omnibus emat facultatibus: emptum, gladio, veneno, omnique vi tueatur?

so great a profit would the access of wisdom deprive him of—

Quantum his abstulerit commoditatum, si semel incessiverit sapientia?

wisdom did I say?

Sapientia dixi?

nay, the least corn of that salt which Christ speaks of:

Imo vel mica salis illius, cuius meminit Christus.

so much wealth, so much honor, so much riches, so many victories, so many offices, so many dispensations, so much tribute, so many pardons; such horses, such mules, such guards, and so much pleasure would it lose them.

Tantum opum, tantum honorum, tantum ditionis, tantum victoriarum, tot officia, tot dispensationes, tot vectigalia, tot indulgentias, tantum equorum, mulorum, satellitum, tantum voluptatum.

You see how much I have comprehended in a little:

Videtis, quantas nundinas, quantam messem, quantum bonorum pelagus paucis sim complexa.

instead of which it would bring in watchings, fastings, tears, prayers, sermons, good endeavors, sighs, and a thousand the like troublesome exercises.

In quorum locum inducet vigilias, ieiunia, lacrymas, orationes, conciones, studia, suspiria, milleque id genus miseros labores.

Nor is this least considerable: so many scribes, so many copying clerks, so many notaries, so many advocates, so many promoters, so many secretaries, so many muleteers, so many grooms, so many bankers: in short, that vast multitude of men that overcharge the Roman See—I mistook, I meant honor—might beg their bread.

Neque vero negligendum, illud futurum, ut tot scriptores, tot copistæ, tot notarii, tot advocati, tot promotores, tot secretarii, tot mulotribæ, tot equisones, tot mensarii, tot lenones, pene mollius quiddam addideram, sed vereor ne durius sit auribus. In summa, tam ingens hominum turba, quæ Romanam sedem onerat, lapsa sum, honorat sentiebam, ad famem adigetur.

A most inhuman and economical thing, and more to be execrated, that those great princes of the Church and true lights of the world should be reduced to a staff and a wallet.

Inhumanum quidem hoc, et abominandum facinus, at multo magis detestandum, ipsos etiam summos Ecclesiæ Principes ac vera mundi lumina, ad peram et baculum revocari.

Whereas now, if there be anything that requires their pains, they leave that to Peter and Paul that have leisure enough; but if there be anything of honor or pleasure, they take that to themselves.

At nunc fere, si quid laboris est, id Petro et Paulo relinquitur, quibus abunde satis est otii.

By which means it is, yet by my courtesy, that scarce any kind of men live more voluptuously or with less trouble;

Porro si quid splendoris, aut voluptatis, id sibi sumunt.

as believing that Christ will be well enough pleased if in their mystical and almost mimical pontificality, ceremonies, titles of holiness and the like, and blessing and cursing, they play the parts of bishops.

Atque ita fit, mea quidem opera, ut nullum pæne hominum genus vivat mollius, minusque sollicitum, ut qui abunde Christo satisfactum existiment, si mystico ac pæne scenico ornatu, cerimoniis, beatitudinum, reverentiarum, sanctitatum titulis, et benedictionibus ac maledictionibus, Episcopos agant.

To work miracles is old and antiquated, and not in fashion now; to instruct the people, troublesome; to interpret the Scripture, pedantic; to pray, a sign one has little else to do; to shed tears, silly and womanish; to be poor, base; to be vanquished, dishonorable and little becoming him that scarce admits even kings to kiss his slipper; and lastly, to die, uncouth; and to be stretched on a cross, infamous.

Priscum et obsoletum, nec horum omnino temporum, miracula edere: docere populum, laboriosum: sacras interpretari litteras, scholasticum: orare, otiosum: lacrymas fundere, miserum ac muliebre: egere, sordidum: vinci, turpe, parumque dignum eo, qui vix reges etiam summos, ad pedum beatorum admittit oscula: denique mori, inamabile: tolli in crucem, infame.

Theirs are only those weapons and sweet blessings which Paul mentions, and of these truly they are bountiful enough: as interdictions, hangings, heavy burdens, reproofs, anathemas, executions in effigy, and that terrible thunderbolt of excommunication, with the very sight of which they sink men’s souls beneath the bottom of hell:

Restant sola hæc arma ac benedictiones dulces, quarum meminit Paulus, atque harum quidem sunt sane quam benigni, interdictiones, suspensiones, aggravationes, anathematizationes, ultrices picturæ, ac fulmen illud terrificum, quo solo nutu mortalium animas vel ultra tartara mittunt.

which yet these most holy fathers in Christ and His vicars hurl with more fierceness against none than against such as, by the instigation of the devil, attempt to lessen or rob them of Peter’s patrimony.

Quod ipsum tamen sanctissimi in Christo patres, et Christi vicarii, in nullos torquent acrius, quam in eos qui instigante Diabolo, patrimonia Petri minuere atque arrodere conantur.

When, though those words in the Gospel, “We have left all, and followed Thee”, were his, yet they call his patrimony lands, cities, tribute, imposts, riches;

Cuius cum hæc vox sit in Euangelio: ‘Reliquimus omnia, et sequuti sumus te’, tamen huius patrimonium appellant agros, oppida, vectigalia, portitoria, ditiones.

for which, being enflamed with the love of Christ, they contend with fire and sword, and not without loss of much Christian blood, and believe they have then most apostolically defended the Church, the spouse of Christ, when the enemy, as they call them, are valiantly routed.

Pro quibus dum zelo Christi accensi, ferro ignique dimicant, non absque plurimo Christiani sanguinis dispendio, tum demum Ecclesiam Christi sponsam sese credunt apostolice defendere, fortiter profligatis, ut vocant, hostibus.

As if the Church had any deadlier enemies than wicked prelates, who not only suffer Christ to run out of request for want of preaching him, but hinder his spreading by their multitudes of laws merely contrived for their own profit, corrupt him by their forced expositions, and murder him by the evil example of their pestilent life.

Quasi vero ulli sint hostes Ecclesiæ perniciosiores, quam impii pontifices, qui et silentio Christum sinunt abolescere, et quæstuariis legibus alligant et coactis interpretationibus adulterant, et pestilente vita iugulant.

Nay, further, whereas the Church of Christ was founded in blood, confirmed by blood, and augmented by blood, now, as if Christ, who after his wonted manner defends his people, were lost, they govern all by the sword.

Porro cum Christiana Ecclesia sanguine sit condita, sanguine confirmata, sanguine aucta, nunc perinde quasi Christus perierit, qui more suo tueatur suos, ita ferro rem gerunt.

And whereas war is so savage a thing that it rather befits beasts than men, so outrageous that the very poets feigned it came from the Furies, so pestilent that it corrupts all men’s manners, so unjust that it is best executed by the worst of men, so wicked that it has no agreement with Christ; and yet, omitting all the other, they make this their only business.

Cumque bellum res sit adeo immanis, ut feras non homines deceat, adeo insana, ut poetæ quoque fingant a Furiis immitti, adeo pestilens, ut universam morum luem simul invehat, adeo iniusta, ut a pessimis latronibus optime soleat administrari, adeo impia, ut nihil cohæreat cum Christo, tamen omnibus omissis, hoc tantum agunt.

Here you’ll see decrepit old fellows acting the parts of young men, neither troubled at their costs, nor wearied with their labors, nor discouraged at anything, so they may have the liberty of turning laws, religion, peace, and all things else quite topsy-turvy.

Hic videas etiam decrepitos senes, iuvenilis animi robur præstare, nec offendi sumptibus, nec fatigari laboribus, nec deterreri quidquam si leges, si religionem, si pacem, si res humanas omneis sursum ac deorsum misceant.

Nor are they destitute of their learned flatterers that call that palpable madness zeal, piety, and valor, having found out a new way by which a man may kill his brother without the least breach of that charity which, by the command of Christ, one Christian owes another.

Neque desunt adulatores eruditi, qui istam manifestariam insaniam, zelum, pietatem, fortitudinem appellent, excogitata via, qua fieri potest, ut quis lethale ferrum stringat, adigatque in fratris sui viscera, manente nihilominus caritate illa summa, quam ex Christi præcepto debet proximo Christianus.

LX

LX

And here, in troth, I’m a little at a stand whether the ecclesiastical German electors gave them this example, or rather took it from them; who, laying aside their habit, benedictions, and all the like ceremonies, so act the part of commanders that they think it a mean thing, and least beseeming a bishop, to show the least courage to Godward unless it be in a battle.

Equidem incerta sum adhuc, utrum his rebus exemplum dederint, an potius hinc sumpserint episcopi quidam Germanorum, qui simplicius, etiam omisso cultu, omissis benedictionibus, aliisque id genus cerimoniis, plane satrapas agunt, adeo ut propemodum ignavum, parumque decorum episcopo putent, alibi, quam in acie, fortem animam Deo reddere.

And as to the common herd of priests, they account it a crime to degenerate from the sanctity of their prelates. Heidah! How soldier-like they bustle about the “jus divinum” of titles, and how quick-sighted they are to pick the least thing out of the writings of the ancients wherewith they may fright the common people and convince them, if possible, that more than a tenth is due!

Iam vero vulgus Sacerdotum, nefas esse ducens, a præsulum suorum sanctimonia degenerare, euge, quam militariter pro iure decimarum, ensibus, iaculis, saxis, omnique armorum vi belligerantur: quam hic oculati, si quid ex veterum litteris possint elicere, quo plebeculam territent, et plus quam decimas deberi convincant.

Yet in the meantime it least comes in their heads how many things are everywhere extant concerning that duty which they owe the people.

At interim non venit in mentem, quam multa passim legantur de officio, quod illi vicissim præstare populo debeant.

Nor does their shorn crown in the least admonish them that a priest should be free from all worldly desires and think of nothing but heavenly things.

Nec saltem admonet eos vertex rasus, sacerdotem omnibus huius mundi cupiditatibus liberum esse oportere, neque quidquam nisi coelestia meditari.

Whereas on the contrary, these jolly fellows say they have sufficiently discharged their offices if they but anyhow mumble over a few odd prayers, which, so help me, Hercules!

Sed homines suaves, se suo officio probe perfunctos aiunt, si preculas illas suas, utcumque permurmurarint, quas, mehercule, demiror, si quis Deus vel audiat, vel intelligat, cum ipsi fere nec audiant, nec intelligant, tum cum eas ore perstrepunt.

I wonder if any god either hear or understand, since they do neither themselves, especially when they thunder them out in that manner they are wont.

Verum hoc quidem sacerdotibus est cum profanis commune, ut ad emolumenti messem vigilent omnes, neque quisquam ibi leges ignoret.

But this they have in common with those of the heathens, that they are vigilant enough to the harvest of their profit, nor is there any of them that is not better read in those laws than the Scripture.

Cæterum si quid sarcinæ, id prudenter in alienos humeros reiiciunt, et aliis alii tamquam pilam per manus tradant.

Whereas if there be anything burdensome, they prudently lay that on other men’s shoulders and shift it from one to the other, as men toss a ball from hand to hand, following herein the example of lay princes who commit the government of their kingdoms to their grand ministers, and they again to others, and leave all study of piety to the common people.

Siquidem laici quoque Principes, quemadmodum partes administrandi regni vicariis delegant, et vicarius item vicario tradit, ita pietatis studium omne plebi modestiæ causa relinquunt.

In like manner the common people put it over to those they call ecclesiastics, as if themselves were no part of the Church, or that their vow in baptism had lost its obligation.

Plebs in eos reiicit, quos Ecclesiasticos vocant, perinde quasi ipsis cum Ecclesia nihil omnino sit commercii, quasi Baptismi votis nihil prorsus sit actum.

Again, the priests that call themselves secular, as if they were initiated to the world, not to Christ, lay the burden on the regulars; the regulars on the monks; the monks that have more liberty on those that have less; and all of them on the mendicants; the mendicants on the Carthusians, among whom, if anywhere, this piety lies buried, but yet so close that scarce anyone can perceive it.

Rursum Sacerdotes, qui sese vocant Seculares, quasi mundo initiati non Christo, in regulares onus hoc devolvunt: regulares in monachos: monachi laxiores in arctiores: Omnes simul in mendicantes: mendicantes in Carthusienses, apud quos solos sepulta latet pietas, et adeo latet ut vix umquam liceat conspicere.

In like manner the popes, the most diligent of all others in gathering in the harvest of money, refer all their apostolical work to the bishops, the bishops to the parsons, the parsons to the vicars, the vicars to their brother mendicants,

Itidem pontifices in messe pecuniaria diligentissimi, labores illos nimium apostolicos, in episcopos relegant, episcopi in pastores, pastores in vicarios, vicarii in fratres mendicantes.

and they again throw back the care of the flock on those that take the wool.

Hi rursum in eos retrudunt, a quibus ovium lana tondetur.

But it is not my business to sift too narrowly the lives of prelates and priests for fear I seem to have intended rather a satire than an oration, and be thought to tax good princes while I praise the bad.

Verum non est huius instituti, pontificum ac sacerdotum vitam excutere, ne cui videar satyram texere, non encomium recitare, neve quis existimet bonos principes a me taxari, dum malos laudo.

And therefore, what I slightly taught before has been to no other end but that it might appear that there’s no man can live pleasantly unless he be initiated to my rites and have me propitious to him.

Sed hæc ideo paucis attigi, quo palam fieret, nullum esse mortalem, qui suaviter vivere possit, nisi meis initiatus sit sacris, meque propitiam habeat.

LXI

LXI

For how can it be otherwise when Fortune, the great directress of all human affairs, and myself are so all one that she was always an enemy to those wise men, and on the contrary so favorable to fools and careless fellows that all things hit luckily to them?

Nam id quo pacto fieri queat, cum ipsa etiam Rhamnusia, rerum humanarum fortunatrix , mecum adeo consentiat, ut sapientibus istis semper fuerit inimicissima? contra stultis etiam dormientibus omnia commoda adduxerit?

You have heard of that Timotheus, the most fortunate general of the Athenians, of whom came that proverb, “His net caught fish, though he were asleep;” and that “The owl flies;”

Agnoscitis Timotheum illum, cui hinc etiam cognomen, et proverbium ê heudontos kurtos hairei. Rursum aliud glaux hiptatai.

whereas these others hit properly, wise men “born in the fourth month;” and again, “He rides Sejanus’s his horse;” and “gold of Toulouse,” signifying thereby the extremity of ill fortune.

Contra in sapientes quadrant illa, en tetradi gennêthentes, et equum habet Seianum, et aurum Tolosanum.

But I forbear the further threading of proverbs, lest I seem to have pilfered my friend Erasmus’ adages.

Sed desino paroimiazesthai, ne videar Erasmi mei commentaria suppilasse.

Fortune loves those that have least wit and most confidence and such as like that saying of Caesar, “The die is thrown.”

Ergo ut ad rem: Amat Fortuna parum cordatos, amat audaciores, et quibus illud placet pas erriphthô kubos.

But wisdom makes men bashful, which is the reason that those wise men have so little to do, unless it be with poverty, hunger, and chimney corners; that they live such neglected, unknown, and hated lives: whereas fools abound in money, have the chief commands in the commonwealth, and in a word, flourish every way.

At Sapientia timidulos reddit, ideoque vulgo videtis sapientibus istis cum paupertate, cum fame, cum fumo rem esse, neglectos, inglorios, invisos vivere: Stultos affluere nummis, admoveri reipublicæ gubernaculis, breviter, florere modis omnibus.

For if it be happiness to please princes and to be conversant among those golden and diamond gods, what is more unprofitable than wisdom, or what is it these kind of men have, may more justly be censured?

Etenim si quis beatum existimet principibus placuisse viris, et inter meos illos, ac gemmeos Deos versari, quid inutilius sapientia, imo quid apud hoc hominum genus damnatius?

If wealth is to be got, how little good at it is that merchant like to do, if following the precepts of wisdom, he should boggle at perjury; or being taken in a lie, blush; or in the least regard the sad scruples of those wise men touching rapine and usury.

Si divitiæ parandæ sunt, quid tandem lucri facturus est negotiator, si sapientiam secutus: periurio offendetur, si in mendacio deprehensus erubescet, si anxios illos de furtis, atque usuris sapientum scrupulos, vel tantuli faciet.

Again, if a man sue for honors or church preferments, an ass or wild ox shall sooner get them than a wise man.

Porro si quis honores, atque opes ambiat Ecclesiasticas, ad eas vel asinus, vel bubalus citius penetrabit quam sapiens.

If a man’s in love with a young wench, none of the least humors in this comedy, they are wholly addicted to fools and are afraid of a wise man and fly him as they would a scorpion.

Si voluptate ducaris, puellæ, maxima huius fabulæ pars, stultis toto pectore sunt addictæ, sapientem haud secus ac scorpium horrent fugiuntque.

Lastly, whoever intend to live merry and frolic, shut their doors against wise men and admit anything sooner.

Denique quicumque paulo festivius ac lætius vivere parant, sapientem inprimis excludunt, ac quodvis animal potius admittunt.

In brief, go whither you will, among prelates, princes, judges, magistrates, friends, enemies, from highest to lowest, and you’ll find all things done by money; which, as a wise man condemns it, so it takes a special care not to come near him.

Breviter quoquo te vertas, apud pontifices, principes, iudices, magistratus, amicos, hostes, maximos, minimos, omnia præsentibus nummis parantur: quos uti contemnit sapiens, ita illum sedulo fugere consueverunt.

What shall I say? There is no measure or end of my praises, and yet ’tis fit my oration have an end.

Sed cum laudum mearum nullus sit modus, neque finis, tamen oratio aliquando finem habeat, necesse est.

And therefore I’ll even break off; and yet, before I do it, ’twill not be amiss if I briefly show you that there has not been wanting even great authors that have made me famous, both by their writings and actions, lest perhaps otherwise I may seem to have foolishly pleased myself only, or that the lawyers charge me that I have proved nothing.

Itaque desinam dicere, sed si prius ostendero paucis, non deesse magnos auctores, qui me litteris suis pariter ac factis illustrarint, ne cui forte stulte mihi soli videar placere, neve legulei calumnientur, me nihil allegare.

After their example, therefore, will I allege my proofs, that is to say, nothing to the point.

Ad ipsorum igitur exemplum allegabimus, hoc est, ouden pros epos.

LXII

LXII

And first, every man allows this proverb, “That where a man wants matter, he may best frame some.”

Principio illud omnibus vel notissimo proverbio persuasum est: Ubi res abest, ibi simulationem esse optimam.

And to this purpose is that verse which we teach children, “’Tis the greatest wisdom to know when and where to counterfeit the fool.”

Eoque recte statim traditur hic versus pueris: Stultitiam simulare loco, sapientia summa est.

And now judge yourselves what an excellent thing this folly is, whose very counterfeit and semblance only has got such praise from the learned.

Vos iam ipsi coniicite, quam ingens sit bonum Stultitia, cuius etiam fallax umbra, et imitatio sola tantum laudis meretur a doctis.

But more candidly does that fat plump “Epicurean bacon-hog,” Horace, for so he calls himself, bid us “mingle our purposes with folly”; and whereas he adds the word “bravem”, short, perhaps to help out the verse, he might as well have let it alone;

Sed multo candidius pinguis ille ac nitidus Epicuri de grege porcus miscere stultitiam consiliis iubet, tametsi brevem non admodum scite addidit.

and again, “’Tis a pleasant thing to play the fool in the right season”;

Item alibi: ‘Dulce est desipere in loco.’

and in another place, he had rather “be accounted a dotterel and sot than to be wise and made mouths at.”

Rursum alio in loco, mavult ‘delirus, inersque videri, quam sapere, et ringi.’

And Telemachus in Homer, whom the poet praises so much, is now and then called “nepios”, fool: and by the same name, as if there were some good fortune in it, are the tragedians wont to call boys and striplings.

Iam apud Homerum Telemachus, quem modis omnibus laudat poeta subinde nêpios appellatur, atque eodem prænomine tamquam felicis ominis libenter pueros et adolescentes vocare solent tragici.

And what does that sacred book of Iliads contain but a kind of counter-scuffle between foolish kings and foolish people?

Quid autem sacrum Iliadis carmen, nisi stultorum regum et populorum continet iras?

Besides, how absolute is that praise that Cicero gives of it!

Porro quam absoluta laus illa Ciceronis?

“All things are full of fools.” For who does not know that every good, the more diffusive it is, by so much the better it is?

Stultorum sunt plena omnia. Quis enim ignorat, unumquodque bonum, quo latius patet, hoc esse præstantius?

LXIII

LXIII

But perhaps their authority may be of small credit among Christians.

Atqui fortassis apud Christianos horum levis est auctoritas.

We’ll therefore, if you please, support our praises with some testimonies of Holy Writ also, in the first place, nevertheless, having forespoke our theologians that they’ll give us leave to do it without offense. And in the next, forasmuch as we attempt a matter of some difficulty and it may be perhaps a little too saucy to call back again the Muses from Helicon to so great a journey, especially in a matter they are wholly strangers to, it will be more suitable, perhaps, while I play the divine and make my way through such prickly quiddities, that I entreat the soul of Scotus, a thing more bristly than either porcupine or hedgehog, to leave his scorebone awhile and come into my breast, and then let him go whither he pleases, or to the dogs,

Proinde Sacrarum quoque Litterarum testimoniis, si videtur, laudes nostras fulciamus, sive ut docti solent, fundemus, principio veniam a Theologis præfatæ, ut nobis fas esse velint, deinde quoniam arduam rem aggredimur, et fortassis improbum fuerit denuo Musas ex Helicone, ad tantum itineris revocare, præsertim cum res sit alienior, fortasse magis conveniet optare, ut interim dum Theologum ago, perque has spinas ingredior, Scoti anima paulisper ex sua Sorbona in meum pectus demigret, quovis hystrice atque erinaceo spinosior, moxque remigret quo lubebit, vel es korakas.

I could wish also that I might change my countenance, or that I had on the square cap and the cassock,

Utinam et vultum alium liceat sumere, et ornatus adsit Theologicus.

for fear some or other should impeach me of theft as if I had privily rifled our masters’ desks in that I have got so much divinity.

Verum illud interim vereor, ne quis me furti ream agat, quasi clanculum Magistrorum Nostrorum scrinia compilaverim, quæ tantum rei Theologicæ teneam.

But it ought not to seem so strange if after so long and intimate an acquaintance and converse with them I have picked up somewhat; when as that fig-tree-god Priapus hearing his owner read certain Greek words took so much notice of them that he got them by heart,

Sed non adeo mirum videri debet, si tam diutina, quæ mihi arctissima est, cum Theologis consuetudine, nonnihil arripui, cum ficulnus etiam ille Deus Priapus, nonnullas Græcas voces, legente domino, subnotarit tenueritque.

and that cock in Lucian by having lived long among men became at last a master of their language.

Et gallus Lucianicus longo hominum convictu sermonem humanum expedite calluerit.

But to the point under a fortunate direction.

Sed iam ad rem bonis avibus.

Ecclesiastes says in his first chapter, “The number of fools is infinite;”

Scripsit Ecclesiastes capite primo: Stultorum infinitus est numerus.

and when he calls it infinite, does he not seem to comprehend all men, unless it be some few whom yet ’tis a question whether any man ever saw?

Cum numerum prædicat infinitum, nonne mortaleis universos complecti videtur, præter pauculos aliquot, quos, haud scio, an cuiquam videre contigerit?

But more ingeniously does Jeremiah in his tenth chapter confess it, saying, “Every man is made a fool through his own wisdom;”

Sed magis ingenue confitetur hoc Ieremias cap. ‘Stultus’, inquiens, ‘factus est omnis homo a sapientia sua.’

attributing wisdom to God alone and leaving folly to all men else,

Soli Deo tribuit sapientiam, universis hominibus stultitiam relinquens.

and again, “Let not man glory in his wisdom.”

Ac rursum paulo superius: Ne glorietur homo in sapientia sua.

And why, good Jeremiah, would you not have a man glory in his wisdom?

Cur non vis hominem in sua sapientia gloriari, optime Ieremia?

Because, he’ll say, he has none at all. But to return to Ecclesiastes,

Nimirum, inquiet, ob id, quia non habet sapientiam. Sed ad Ecclesiasten redeo.

who, when he cries out, “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!” what other thoughts had he, do you believe, than that, as I said before, the life of man is nothing else but an interlude of folly?

Hunc, cum exclamat: ‘Vanitas vanitatum et omnia vanitas,’ quid aliud sensisse creditis, nisi, quemadmodum diximus, vitam humanam nihil aliud quam Stultitiæ ludicrum esse?

In which he has added one voice more to that justly received praise of Cicero’s which I quoted before, viz., “All things are full of fools.”

nimirum Ciceronianæ laudi album addentem calculum, cuius optimo iure celebratur illud, quod modo retulimus: ‘stultorum plena sunt omnia’.

Again, that wise preacher that said, “A fool changes as the moon, but a wise man is permanent as the sun,”

Rursum sapiens ille Ecclesiasticus, qui dixit: ‘Stultus mutatur ut Luna, sapiens permanet ut Sol,’ quid aliud innuit, nisi mortale genus omne stultum esse, soli Deo, sapientis nomen competere?

what else did he hint at in it but that all mankind are fools and the name of wise only proper to God? For by the moon interpreters understand human nature, and by the sun, God, the only fountain of light;

Siquidem Lunam humanam naturam interpretantur, Solem omnis luminis fontem, Deum.

with which agrees that which Christ himself in the Gospel denies, that anyone is to be called good but one, and that is God.

Huic adstipulatur quod ipse Christus in Euangelio negat, quemquam appellandum bonum, nisi Deum unum.

And then if he is a fool that is not wise, and every good man according to the Stoics is a wise man, it is no wonder if all mankind be concluded under folly.

Porro si stultus est, quisquis sapiens non est, et quisquis bonus, idem sapiens, auctoribus Stoicis, nimirum mortales omneis Stultitia complectatur necessum est.

Again Solomon, Chapter 15, “Foolishness,” says he, “is joy to the fool,” thereby plainly confessing that without folly there is no pleasure in life.

Iterum Salomon cap. 15 ‘Stultitia’, inquit, ‘gaudium stulto’, videlicet, manifeste confitens, sine stultitia nihil in vita suave esse.