Translated by John Wilson.

ERASMUS OF ROTTERDAM to his friend THOMAS MORE, health:

ERASMVS ROT. THOMAE MORO SVO S. D.

As I was coming awhile since out of Italy for England, that I might not waste all that time I was to sit on horseback in foolish and illiterate fables, I chose rather one while to revolve with myself something of our common studies, and other while to enjoy the remembrance of my friends, of whom I left here some no less learned than pleasant.

Superioribus diebus cum me ex Italia in Angliam recepissem, ne totum hoc tempus quo equo fuit insidendum amusois et illitteratis fabulis tereretur, malui mecum aliquoties uel de communibus studiis nostris aliquid agitare, uel amicorum, quos hic ut doctissimos ita et suauissimos reliqueram, recordatione frui.

Among these you, my More, came first in my mind, whose memory, though absent yourself, gives me such delight in my absence, as when present with you I ever found in your company; than which, let me perish if in all my life I ever met with anything more delectable.

Inter hos tu, mi More, uel in primis occurrebas; cuius equidem absentis absens memoria non aliter frui solebam quam presentis presens consuetudine consueueram; qua dispeream si quid unquam in uita contigit mellitius.

And therefore, being satisfied that something was to be done, and that that time was no wise proper for any serious matter, I resolved to make some sport with the praise of folly.

Ergo quoniam omnino aliquid agendum duxi, et id tempus ad seriam commentationem parum uidebatur accommodatum, uisum est Moriæ Encomium ludere.

But who the devil put that in your head? you’ll say.

Que Pallas istuc tibi misit in mentem? inquies.

The first thing was your surname of More, which comes so near the word “Moriae” (folly) as you are far from the thing. And that you are so, all the world will clear you.

Primum admonuit me Mori cognomen tibi gentile, quod tam ad Moriæ uocabulum accedit quam es ipse a re alienus; es autem uel omnium suffragiis alienissimus.

In the next place, I conceived this exercise of wit would not be least approved by you; inasmuch as you are wont to be delighted with such kind of mirth, that is to say, neither unlearned, if I am not mistaken, nor altogether insipid, and in the whole course of your life have played the part of a Democritus.

Deinde suspicabar hunc ingenii nostri lusum tibi precipue probatum iri, propterea quod soleas huius generis iocis, hoc est nec indoctis, ni fallor, nec usquequaque insulsis, impendio delectari, et omnino in communi mortalium uita Democritum quendam agere.

And though such is the excellence of your judgment that it was ever contrary to that of the people’s, yet such is your incredible affability and sweetness of temper that you both can and delight to carry yourself to all men a man of all hours.

Quanquam tu quidem, ut pro singulari quadam ingenii tui perspicacitate longe lateque a uulgo dissentire soles, ita pro incredibili morum suauitate facilitateque cum omnibus omnium horarum hominem agere et potes et gaudes.

Wherefore you will not only with good will accept this small declamation, but take upon you the defense of it, for as much as being dedicated to you, it is now no longer mine but yours.

Hanc igitur declamatiunculam non solum lubens accipies ceu mnemosunon tui sodalis, uerum etiam tuendam suscipies, utpote tibi dicatam iamque tuam non meam.

But perhaps there will not be wanting some wranglers that may cavil and charge me, partly that these toys are lighter than may become a divine, and partly more biting than may beseem the modesty of a Christian, and consequently exclaim that I resemble the ancient comedy, or another Lucian, and snarl at everything.

Etenim non deerunt fortasse uitilitigatores, qui calum nientur partim leuiores esse nugas quam ut theologum deceant, partim mordaciores quam ut Christiane conueniant modestie; nosque clamitabunt ueterem comediam aut Lucianum quempiam referre atque omnia mordicus arripere.

But I would have them whom the lightness or foolery of the argument may offend to consider that mine is not the first of this kind, but the same thing that has been often practiced even by great authors: when Homer, so many ages since, did the like with the battle of frogs and mice; Virgil, with the gnat and puddings; Ovid, with the nut; when Polycrates and his corrector Isocrates extolled tyranny; Glauco, injustice; Favorinus, deformity and the quartan ague; Synescius, baldness; Lucian, the fly and flattery; when Seneca made such sport with Claudius’ canonizations; Plutarch, with his dialogue between Ulysses and Gryllus; Lucian and Apuleius, with the ass; and some other, I know not who, with the hog that made his last will and testament, of which also even St. Jerome makes mention. And therefore if they please, let them suppose I played at tables for my diversion, or if they had rather have it so, that I rode on a hobbyhorse.

Verum quos argumenti leuitas et ludicrum offendit, cogitent uelim non meum hoc exemplum esse, sed idem iam olim a magnis auctoribus factitatum; cum ante tot secula Batrachomuomachian luserit Homerus, Maro Culicem et Moretum, Nucem Ouidius; cum Busyriden laudarit Polycrates et huius castigator Isocrates, iniustitiam Glauco, Thersiten et quartanam febrim Fauorinus, caluitiem Synesius, muscam et parasiticam Lucianus; cum Seneca Claudii luserit apotheôsin, Plutarchus Grylli cum Ulysse dialogum, Lucianus et Apuleius Asinum, et nescio quis Grunnii Coro cottæ porcelli testamentum, cuius et diuus meminit Hieronymus Proinde, si uidebitur, fingant isti me laterunculis in terim animi causa lusisse, aut si malint equitasse in arundine longa.

For what injustice is it that when we allow every course of life its recreation, that study only should have none? Especially when such toys are not without their serious matter, and foolery is so handled that the reader that is not altogether thick-skulled may reap more benefit from it than from some men’s crabbish and specious arguments. As when one, with long study and great pains, patches many pieces together on the praise of rhetoric or philosophy; another makes a panegyric to a prince; another encourages him to a war against the Turks; another tells you what will become of the world after himself is dead; and another finds out some new device for the better ordering of goat’s wool:

Nam que tandem est iniquitas, cum omni uite insti tuto suos lusus concedamus, studiis nullum omnino lusum permittere, maxime si nuge seria ducant, atque ita tractentur ludicra ut ex his aliquanto plus frugis referat lector non omnino naris obese, quam ex quorundam tetricis ac splendidis argumentis? ueluti cum alius diu consarcinata oratione rhetoricen aut philosophiam laudat, alius principis alicuius laudes describit, alius ad bellum aduersus Turcas mouendum adhortatur, alius futura predicit. alius nouas de lana caprina comminiscitur questiunculas.

for as nothing is more trifling than to treat of serious matters triflingly, so nothing carries a better grace than so to discourse of trifles as a man may seem to have intended them least.

Vt enim nihil nugacius quam seria nugatorie tractare, ita nihil festiuius quam ita tractare nugas ut nihil minus quam nugatus fuisse uidearis.

For my own part, let other men judge of what I have written; though yet, unless an overweening opinion of myself may have made me blind in my own cause, I have praised folly, but not altogether foolishly.

De me quidem aliorum erit iudicium; tamet si, nisi plane me fallit philautia, Stulticiam laudauimus, sed non omnino stulte.

And now to say somewhat to that other cavil, of biting. This liberty was ever permitted to all men’s wits, to make their smart, witty reflections on the common errors of mankind, and that too without offense, as long as this liberty does not run into licentiousness;

Iam uero ut de mordacitatis cauillatione respondeam, semper hec ingeniis libertas permissa fuit, ut in communem hominum uitam salibus luderent impune, modo ne licentia exiret in rabiem.

which makes me the more admire the tender ears of the men of this age, that can away with solemn titles.

Quo magis admiror his temporibus aurium delicias que nihil iam fere nisi solennes titulos ferre possunt.

No, you’ll meet with some so preposterously religious that they will sooner endure the broadest scoffs even against Christ himself than hear the Pope or a prince be touched in the least, especially if it be anything that concerns their profit;

Porro nonnullos adeo prepostere religiosos uideas, ut uel grauissima in Christum conuicia ferant citius quam pontificem aut principem leuissimo ioco aspergi, presertim si quid pros ta alphita id est ad questum, attinet.

whereas he that so taxes the lives of men, without naming anyone in particular, whither, I pray, may he be said to bite, or rather to teach and admonish?

At enim qui uitas hominum ita taxat ut neminem omnino perstringat nominatim, queso utrum is mordere uidetur an docere potius ac monere?

Or otherwise, I beseech you, under how many notions do I tax myself?

Alioqui quot obsecro nominibus ipse me taxo?

Besides, he that spares no sort of men cannot be said to be angry with anyone in particular, but the vices of all.

Preterea qui nullum hominum genus pretermittit, is nulli homini, uiciis omnibus iratus uidetur.

And therefore, if there shall happen to be anyone that shall say he is hit, he will but discover either his guilt or fear.

Ergo si quis extiterit qui sese lesum clamabit, is aut conscientiam prodet suam aut certe metum.

Saint Jerome sported in this kind with more freedom and greater sharpness, not sparing sometimes men’s very name.

Lusit hoc in genere multo liberius ac mordacius diuus Hieronymus, ne nominibus quidem ali quoties parcens.

But I, besides that I have wholly avoided it, I have so moderated my style that the understanding reader will easily perceive my endeavors herein were rather to make mirth than bite.

Nos preterquam quod a nominibus in to tum abstinemus, ita preterea stilum temperauimus ut cordatus lector facile sit intellecturus nos uoluptatem magis quam morsum quesisse.

Nor have I, after the example of Juvenal, raked up that forgotten sink of filth and ribaldry, but laid before you things rather ridiculous than dishonest.

Neque enim ad Iuuenalis exemplum occultam illam scelerum sentinam usquam mouimus, et ridenda magis quam foeda recensere studuimus.

And now, if there be anyone that is yet dissatisfied, let him at least remember that it is no dishonor to be discommended by Folly; and having brought her in speaking, it was but fit that I kept up the character of the person.

Tum si quis est quem nec ista placare possunt, is saltem illud meminerit, pulchrum esse a Stulticia uituperari; quam cum loquentem fecerimus, decoro persone seruiendum fuit.

But why do I run over these things to you, a person so excellent an advocate that no man better defends his client, though the cause many times be none of the best?

Sed quid ego hec tibi, patrono tam singulari ut causas etiam non optimas optime tamen tueri possis?

Farewell, my best disputant More, and stoutly defend your Moriae.

Vale, disertissime More, et Moriam tuam gnauiter defende.

From the country, the 5th of the Ides of June.

Ex Rure Quinto Idus Iunias, [AN. MDVII].

An oration, of feigned matter, spoken by Folly in her own person

Stultitia loquitur

I

I

At what rate soever the world talks of me (for I am not ignorant what an ill report Folly has got, even among the most foolish), yet that I am that she, that only she, whose deity recreates both gods and men, even this is a sufficient argument, that I no sooner stepped up to speak to this full assembly than all your faces put on a kind of new and unwonted pleasantness. So suddenly have you cleared your brows, and with so frolic and hearty a laughter given me your applause, that in truth as many of you as I behold on every side of me seem to me no less than Homer’s gods drunk with nectar and nepenthe; whereas before, you sat as lumpish and pensive as if you had come from consulting an oracle.

Vtcumque de me uulgo mortales loquuntur, neque enim sum nescia, quam male audiat STVLTITIA etiam apud stultissimos, tamen hanc esse, hanc, inquam, esse unam, quæ meo numine Deos atque homines exhilaro, uel illud abunde magnum est argumentum, quod simulatque in hunc coetum frequentissimum dictura prodii, sic repente omnium uultus noua quadam atque insolita hilaritate enituerunt, sic subito frontem exporrexistis , sic læto quodam et amabili applausistis risu, ut mihi profecto quotquot undique præsentes intueor, pariter deorum Homericorum nectare non sine nepenthe temulenti esse uideamini, cum antehac tristes ac solliciti sederitis, perinde quasi nuper e Trophonii specu reuersi.

And as it usually happens when the sun begins to show his beams, or when after a sharp winter the spring breathes afresh on the earth, all things immediately get a new face, new color, and recover as it were a certain kind of youth again: in like manner, by but beholding me you have in an instant gotten another kind of countenance;

Cæterum quemadmodum fieri consueuit, ut cum primum sol formosum illud et aureum os terris ostenderit, aut ubi post asperam hiemem, nouum uer blandis adspirarit Fauoniis, protinus noua rebus omnibus facies, nouus color ac plane iuuenta quædam redeat, ita uobis me conspecta, mox alius accessit uultus.

and so what the otherwise great rhetoricians with their tedious and long-studied orations can hardly effect, to wit, to remove the trouble of the mind, I have done it at once with my single look.

Itaque quod magni alioqui Rhetores, uix longa diuque meditata oratione possunt efficere, nempe ut molestas animi curas discutiant, id ego solo statim adspectu præstiti.

II

II

But if you ask me why I appear before you in this strange dress, be pleased to lend me your ears, and I’ll tell you; not those ears, I mean, you carry to church, but abroad with you, such as you are wont to prick up to jugglers, fools, and buffoons, and such as our friend Midas once gave to Pan.

Quamobrem autem hoc insolito cultu prodierim hodie, iam audietis, si modo non grauabimini dicenti præbere aures, non eas sane quas sacris Concionatoribus, sed quas fori circulatoribus, scurris ac morionibus consueuistis arrigere, quasque olim Midas ille noster exhibuit Pani.

For I am disposed awhile to play the sophist with you; not of their sort who nowadays boozle young men’s heads with certain empty notions and curious trifles, yet teach them nothing but a more than womanish obstinacy of scolding: but I’ll imitate those ancients who, that they might the better avoid that infamous appellation of sophi or wise, chose rather to be called sophists.

Lubitum est enim paulisper apud uos Sophistam agere, non quidem huius generis quod hodie nugas quasdam anxias inculcat pueris, ac plusquam muliebrem rixandi pertinaciam tradit, sed ueteres illos imitabor, qui quo infamem Sophorum appellationem uitarent, Sophistæ uocari maluerunt.

Their business was to celebrate the praises of the gods and valiant men. And the like encomium shall you hear from me, but neither of Hercules nor Solon, but my own dear self, that is to say, Folly.

Horum studium erat, Deorum ac fortium uirorum laudes encomiis celebrare. Encomium igitur audietis, non Herculis, neque Solonis, sed meum ipsius, hoc est, STVLTITIÆ

III

III

Nor do I esteem a rush that call it a foolish and insolent thing to praise one’s self. Be it as foolish as they would make it, so they confess it proper: and what can be more than that Folly be her own trumpet?

Iam uero non huius facio sapientes istos qui stultissimum et insolentissimum esse prædicant, si quis ipse laudibus se ferat. Sit sane quam uolent stultum, modo decorum esse fateantur.

For who can set me out better than myself, unless perhaps I could be better known to another than to myself?

Quid enim magis quadrat, quam ut ipsa Moria suarum laudum sit buccinatrix, et Autê heautês aulê. Quis enim me melius exprimat quam ipsa me? Nisi si eui forte notior sim, quam egomet sum mihi.

Though yet I think it somewhat more modest than the general practice of our nobles and wise men who, throwing away all shame, hire some flattering orator or lying poet from whose mouth they may hear their praises, that is to say, mere lies; and yet, composing themselves with a seeming modesty, spread out their peacock’s plumes and erect their crests, while this impudent flatterer equals a man of nothing to the gods and proposes him as an absolute pattern of all virtue that’s wholly a stranger to it, sets out a pitiful jay in other’s feathers, washes the blackamoor white, and lastly swells a gnat to an elephant.

Quamquam ego hoc alioqui, non paulo etiam modestius arbitror, quam id quod optimatum ac sapientum uulgus fætitat, qui peruerso quodam pudore uel Rhetorem quempiam palponem, uel Poetam uaniloquum, subornare solent, eumque mercede conductum, a quo suas laudes audiant, hoc est, mera mendacia, et tamen uerecundus interim ille, pauonis in morem pennas tollit, cristas erigit, cum impudens assentator nihili hominem Diis æquiparat, cum absolutum omnium uirtutum exemplar proponit, a quo sciat ille se plusquam dis dia pasôn abesse: cum corniculam alienis conuestit plumis: cum ton Aithiopa leucainei, denique cum ec muias ton elephanta poiei.

In short, I will follow that old proverb that says, “He may lawfully praise himself that lives far from neighbors.”

Postremo sequor tritum illud vulgi prouerbium, quo dicitur is recte laudare sese, cui nemo alius contigit laudator.

Though, by the way, I cannot but wonder at the ingratitude, shall I say, or negligence of men who, notwithstanding they honor me in the first place and are willing enough to confess my bounty, yet not one of them for these so many ages has there been who in some thankful oration has set out the praises of Folly; when yet there has not wanted them whose elaborate endeavors have extolled tyrants, agues, flies, baldness, and such other pests of nature, to their own loss of both time and sleep.

Quamquam hic interim demiror mortalium, ingratitudinem dicam, an segnitiem, quorum cum omnes me studiose colant, meamque libenter sentiant beneficentiam, nemo tamen tot iam sæculis exstitit, qui grata oratione STVLTITIÆ laudes celebrarit, cum non defuerint, qui Busirides, Phalarides, febres quartanas, muscas, caluitia, atque id genus pestes, accuratis magnaque et olei et somni iactura elucubratis laudibus uexerint.

And now you shall hear from me a plain extemporary speech, but so much the truer.

A me extemporariam quidem illam et illaboratam, sed tanto ueriorem audietis orationem.

IV

IV

Nor would I have you think it like the rest of orators, made for the ostentation of wit;

Id quod nolim existimetis ad ingenii ostentationem esse confictum, quemadmodum uulgus oratorum facit.

for these, as you know, when they have been beating their heads some thirty years about an oration and at last perhaps produce somewhat that was never their own, shall yet swear they composed it in three days, and that too for diversion:

Nam ii, sicuti nostis, cum orationem totis triginta annis elaboratam, nonnumquam et alienam proferunt, tamen triduo sibi quasi per lusum scriptam, aut etiam dictatam esse deierant.

whereas I ever liked it best to speak whatever came first out.

Mihi porro semper gratissmum fuit hoti an epi glôttan elthoi dicere.

But let none of you expect from me that after the manner of rhetoricians I should go about to define what I am, much less use any division;

At ne quis iam a nobis expectet ut iuxta uulgarium istorum rhetorum consuetudinem, me ipsam finitione explicem porro ut diuidam, multo minus.

for I hold it equally unlucky to circumscribe her whose deity is universal, or make the least division in that worship about which everything is so generally agreed.

Nam utrumque ominis est inauspicati, uel fine circumscribere eam cuius numen tam late pateat, uel secare, in cuius cultum omne rerum genus ita consentiat.

Or to what purpose, think you, should I describe myself when I am here present before you, and you behold me speaking? For I am, as you see, that true and only giver of wealth whom the Greeks call “Moria”, the Latins “Stultitia”, and our plain English “Folly”.

Tametsi quorsum tandem attinet mei uelut umbram atque imaginem finitione repræsentare, cum ipsam me coram præsentes præsentem oculis intueamini? Sum etenim uti uidetis, uera illa largitrix eaôn, quam Latini STVLTITIAM, Græci MÔRIAN appellant.

V

V

Or what need was there to have said so much, as if my very looks were not sufficient to inform you who I am? Or as if any man, mistaking me for wisdom, could not at first sight convince himself by my face the true index of my mind?

Quamquam quid uel hoc opus erat dicere, quasi non ipso ex uultu fronteque, quod aiunt, satis quæ sim præ me feram, aut quasi si quis me Mineruam, aut Sophiam esse contendat, non statim solo possit obtutu coargui, etiam si nulla accedat oratio, minime mendax animi speculum.

I am no counterfeit, nor do I carry one thing in my looks and another in my breast.

Nullus apud me fucis locus, nec aliud fronte simulo, aliud in pectore premo.

No, I am in every respect so like myself that neither can they dissemble me who arrogate to themselves the appearance and title of wise men and walk like asses in scarlet hoods,

Sumque mei undique simillima, adeo ut nec ii me dissimulare possint, qui maxime Sapientiæ personam ac titulum sibi uindicant, kai tê porphura pithêkoi, kai in tê leontê onoi, obambulant.

though after all their hypocrisy Midas’ ears will discover their master.

Quamuis autem sedulo fingant, tamen alicunde prominentes auriculæ Midam produnt.

A most ungrateful generation of men that, when they are wholly given up to my party, are yet publicly ashamed of the name, as taking it for a reproach;

Ingratum mehercle et hoc hominum genus, qui cum maxime sint nostræ factionis, tamen apud uulgum cognominis nostri sic pudet, ut id passim aliis magni probri uice obiiciant.

for which cause, since in truth they are morotatoi, fools, and yet would appear to the world to be wise men and Thales, we’ll even call them “morosophous”, wise fools.

Proinde istos cum sint môrotatoi, cæterum sophi ac Thaletes uideri uelint, nonne iure optimo môrosophous illos appellabimus?

VI

VI

Nor will it be amiss also to imitate the rhetoricians of our times, who think themselves in a manner gods if like horse leeches they can but appear to be double-tongued, and believe they have done a mighty act if in their Latin orations they can but shuffle in some ends of Greek like mosaic work, though altogether by head and shoulders and less to the purpose.

Visum est enim hac quoque parte nostri temporis Rhetores imitari, qui plane Deos esse sese credunt, si hirudinum ritu bilingues appareant, ac præclarum facinus esse ducunt, Latinis orationibus subinde Græculas aliquot uoculas, uelut emblemata intertexere, etiam si nunc non erat his locus.

And if they want hard words, they run over some worm-eaten manuscript and pick out half a dozen of the most old and obsolete to confound their reader, believing, no doubt, that they that understand their meaning will like it the better, and they that do not will admire it the more by how much the less they understand it. Nor is this way of ours of admiring what seems most foreign without its particular grace;

Porro si desunt exotica, e putribus chartis quatuor aut quinque prisca uerba eruunt, quibus tenebras offundant lectori, uidelicet, ut qui intelligunt, magis ac magis sibi placeant: qui non intelligunt, hoc ipso magis admirentur quo minus intelligunt. Quandoquidem est sane et hoc nostratium uoluptatum genus non inelegans, quam maxime peregrina maxime suspicere.

for if there happen to be any more ambitious than others, they may give their applause with a smile, and, like the ass, shake their ears, that they may be thought to understand more than the rest of their neighbors.

Quod si qui paulo sunt ambitiosiores, arrideant tamen et applaudant, atque asini exemplo ta ôta kinôsi, quo cæteris probe intelligere uideantur, kai tauta dê men tauta.

But to come to the purpose:

Nunc ad institutum recurro.

VII

VII

I have given you my name, but what epithet shall I add? What but that of the most foolish? For by what more proper name can so great a goddess as Folly be known to her disciples?

Nomen igitur habetis: Viri, Quid addam epitheti? Quid nisi stultissimi? Nam quo alio honestiore cognomine Mystas suos compellet Dea STVLTITIA?

And because it is not alike known to all from what stock I am sprung, with the Muses’ good leave I’ll do my endeavor to satisfy you.

Sed quoniam non perinde multis notum est, quo genere prognata sim, id iam Musis bene iuuantibus exponere conabor.

But yet neither the first Chaos, Orcus, Saturn, or Japhet, nor any of those threadbare, musty gods were my father, but Plutus, Riches; that only he, that is, in spite of Hesiod, Homer, nay and Jupiter himself, divum pater atque hominum rex, the father of gods and men,

Mihi uero neque Chaos, neque Saturnus, neque Iapetus, aut alius id genus obsoletorum, ac putrium Deorum quispiam pater fuit. Sed ploutos ipse unus, uel inuitis Hesiodo et Homero, atque ipso adeo Ioue, patêr andrôn te theôn te.

at whose single beck, as heretofore, so at present, all things sacred and profane are turned topsy-turvy.

Cuius unius nutu, ut olim ita nunc quoque sacra profanaque omnia sursum ac deorsum miscentur.

According to whose pleasure war, peace, empire, counsels, judgments, assemblies, wedlocks, bargains, leagues, laws, arts, all things light or serious—I want breath—in short, all the public and private business of mankind is governed;

Cuius arbitrio bella, paces, imperia, consilia, iudicia, comitia, connubia, pacta, foedera, leges, artes, ludicra, seria, iam spiritus me deficit, breuiter, publica priuataque omnia mortalium negotia administrantur.

without whose help all that herd of gods of the poets’ making, and those few of the better sort of the rest, either would not be at all, or if they were, they would be but such as live at home and keep a poor house to themselves.

Citra cuius opem, totus ille Poeticorum Numinum populus, dicam audacius, ipsi quoque Dii selecti, aut omnino non essent, aut certe oikositoi sane quam frigide uictitarent.

And to whomsoever he’s an enemy, ’tis not Pallas herself that can befriend him;

Quem quisquis iratum habuerit, huic ne Pallas quidem satis auxilii tulerit.

as on the contrary he whom he favors may lead Jupiter and his thunder in a string. This is my father and in him I glory.

Contra, quisquis propitium, is uel summo Ioui, cum suo fulmine mandare laqueum possit. Toutou patros euchomai einai.

Nor did he produce me from his brain, as Jupiter that sour and ill-looked Pallas; but of that lovely nymph called Youth, the most beautiful and galliard of all the rest.

Atque hic quidem me progenuit non e cerebro suo, quemadmodum tetricam illam ac toruam Palladem Iupiter, uerum ex Neotete Nympha multo omnium uenustissima, pariter ac festiuissima.

Nor was I, like that limping blacksmith, begot in the sad and irksome bonds of matrimony.

Neque rursum id tristi illi illigatus coniugio, quomodo faber ille claudus natus est, uerum quod non paulo suauius en philotêti michtheis: quemadmodum noster ait Homerus.

Yet, mistake me not, ’twas not that blind and decrepit Plutus in Aristophanes that got me, but such as he was in his full strength and pride of youth; and not that only, but at such a time when he had been well heated with nectar, of which he had, at one of the banquets of the gods, taken a dose extraordinary.

Genuit autem, ne quid erretis, non Aristophanicus ille Plutus, iam capularis, iam oculis captus, sed quondam integer adhuc calidusque iuuenta, neque iuuenta solum, uerum multo magis nectare, quod tum forte in Deorum conuiuio largius ac meracius hauserat.

VIII

VIII

And as to the place of my birth, forasmuch as nowadays that is looked upon as a main point of nobility, it was neither, like Apollo’s, in the floating Delos, nor Venus-like on the rolling sea, nor in any of blind Homer’s as blind caves: but in the Fortunate Islands, where all things grew without plowing or sowing;

Quod si locum quoque natalem requiritis, quandoquidem id hodie uel inprimis ad nobilitatem interesse putant, quo loco primos edideris uagitus, ego nec in erratica Delo, nec in undoso mari, nec en spessi glaphuroisi sum edita, sed in ipsis insulis fortunatis, ubi aspata kai anêrota omnia proueniunt.

where neither labor, nor old age, nor disease was ever heard of; and in whose fields neither daffodil, mallows, onions, beans, and such contemptible things would ever grow, but, on the contrary, rue, angelica, bugloss, marjoram, trefoils, roses, violets, lilies, and all the gardens of Adonis invite both your sight and your smelling.

In quibus neque labor, neque senium, neque morbus est ullus, nec usquam in agris asphodelus, malua, squilla, lupinumue, aut faba, aut aliud hoc genus nugarum conspicitur. Sed passim oculis, simulque naribus adblandiuntur moly, panace, nepenthes, amaracus, ambrosia, lotus, rosa, uiola, Hyacinthus, Adonidis hortuli.

And being thus born, I did not begin the world, as other children are wont, with crying; but straight perched up and smiled on my mother.

Atque in his quidem nata delitiis, nequaquam a fletu sum auspicata uitam, sed protinus blande arrisi matri.

Nor do I envy to the great Jupiter the goat, his nurse, forasmuch as I was suckled by two jolly nymphs, to wit, Drunkenness, the daughter of Bacchus, and Ignorance, of Pan.

Iam uero non inuideo tô hupatô Kroniôni capram altricem, cum me duæ lepidissimæ Nymphæ suis aluerint mammis, Methe Baccho progenita, et Apædia Panos filia.

And as for such my companions and followers as you perceive about me, if you have a mind to know who they are, you are not like to be the wiser for me, unless it be in Greek:

Quas hic quoque in cæterarum comitum ac pedissequarum mearum consortio uidetis. Quarum mehercle nomina, si uoletis cognoscere, ex me quidem non nisi Græce audietis.

IX

IX

this here, which you observe with that proud cast of her eye, is Philantia, Self-love; she with the smiling countenance, that is ever and anon clapping her hands, is Kolakia, Flattery; she that looks as if she were half asleep is Lethe, Oblivion;

Hæc nimirum quam sublatis superciliis conspicamini, philautia est. Huic quam uelut arridentibus oculis, ac plaudentem manibus uidetis, kolakia nomen Hæc semisomnis ac dormitanti similis lêthê vocatur.

she that sits leaning on both elbows with her hands clutched together is Misoponia, Laziness; she with the garland on her head, and that smells so strong of perfumes, is Hedone, Pleasure;

Hæc cubito utroque innitens, confertisque manibus, misoponia dicitur. Hæc roseo reuincta serto, et undique delibuta unguentis, hêdonê.

she with those staring eyes, moving here and there, is Anoia, Madness; she with the smooth skin and full pampered body is Tryphe, Wantonness;

Hæc lubricis et huc atque illuc errantibus luminibus, anoia dicitur. Hæc nitida cute, probeque saginato corpore truphê nomen habet.

and, as to the two gods that you see with them, the one is Komos, Intemperance, the other Eegretos hypnos, Dead Sleep.

Videtis et Deos, puellis admixtos, quorum alterum kômon uocant, alterum nêgreton huponn.

These, I say, are my household servants, and by their faithful counsels I have subjected all things to my dominion and erected an empire over emperors themselves.

Inquam, famulitii fidelibus auxiliis genus omne rerum meæ subiicio ditioni, ipsis etiam imperans imperatoribus.

X

X

Thus have you had my lineage, education, and companions. And now, lest I may seem to have taken upon me the name of goddess without cause, you shall in the next place understand how far my deity extends, and what advantage by it I have brought both to gods and men.

Genus, educationem, et comites audistis. Nunc, ne cui sine causa uidear mihi Deæ nomen usurpare, quantis commoditatibus Deos simul et homines adficiam, quamque late meum pateat numen arrectis auribus accipite.

For, if it was not unwisely said by somebody, that this only is to be a god, to help men; and if they are deservedly enrolled among the gods that first brought in corn and wine and such other things as are for the common good of mankind, why am not I of right the “alpha”, or first, of all the gods? who being but one, yet bestow all things on all men.

Etenim si non inscite scripsit quidam, hoc demum esse Deum, iuuare mortales, et si merito in Deorum senatum adsciti sunt, qui uinum, aut frumentum aut unam aliquam huiusmodi commoditatem mortalibus ostenderunt, cur non ego iure, Deorum omnium alpha dicar, habearque, quæ una omnibus largior omnia?

XI

XI

For first, what is more sweet or more precious than life? And yet from whom can it more properly be said to come than from me?

Principio quid esse potest uita ipsa uel dulcius, uel pretiosius? At huius exordium cui tandem acceptum ferri conuenit, nisi mihi?

For neither the crab-favoured Pallas’ spear nor the cloud-gathering Jupiter’s shield either beget or propagate mankind;

Neque enim aut obrimopatrês hasta Palladis, aut nephelegeretou Iouis ægis hominum genus uel progignit, uel propagat.

but even he himself, the father of gods and king of men at whose very beck the heavens shake, must lay by his forked thunder and those looks wherewith he conquered the giants and with which at pleasure he frightens the rest of the gods, and like a common stage player put on a disguise as often as he goes about that, which now and then he does, that is to say the getting of children:

Verum ipse Deum pater atque hominum Rex, qui totum nutu tremefactat Olympum, fulmen illud trisulcum ponat oportet, et uultum illum Titanicum, quo, cum lubet, Deos omneis territat, planeque histrionum more, aliena sumenda misero persona, si quando uelit id facere, quod numquam non facit, hoc est paidopoiein.

And the Stoics too, that conceive themselves next to the gods,

Iam uero Stoici se Diis proximos autumant.

yet show me one of them, nay the veriest bigot of the sect, and if he do not put off his beard, the badge of wisdom, though yet it be no more than what is common with him and goats; yet at least he must lay by his supercilious gravity, smooth his forehead, shake off his rigid principles, and for some time commit an act of folly and dotage.

At date mihi terque quaterque, aut si libet, sexcenties Stoicum, tamen huic quoque, si non barba insigne sapientiæ, etiam si cum hircis commune, certe supercilium erit ponendum, explicanda frons, abicienda dogmata illa adamantina, ineptiendum ac delirandum aliquantisper.

In fine, that wise man whoever he be, if he intends to have children, must have recourse to me.

In summa, me, me inquam, sapiens accersat oportet, si modo pater esse uelit.

Et cur non apertius meo more uobiscum fabuler? Quæso num caput, num facies, num pectus, num manus, num auris, quæ partes honestæ putantur, progenerant Deos aut homines?